I'm Sorry
by DarkAlchemistAssassin
Summary: Chapter 6 and 7 UP! Warning to those who are new to my stories... CRACK FIC sort of... dark fic Well, only for this one... Nostalgia-centric...
1. Prologue

**I'm Sorry**

**|PROLOGUE|**

_Two teenage boys sat on both sides on the end of a single bed sitting across each other. Both almost naked._

"_Senpai… are we going out?" the brunette asked._

"_Huh?"_

"_I'm just wondering, because you never say anything…" the brunette continued side-glancing. He then gripped his unbuttoned shirt tight. He gulped. "Senpai.. do you love me?" hoping for a positive response. He smiled._

"_**Heh."**_

_Ritsu staggered on his feet in his room. He had managed to get away. And also able to get home without being seen. Tears visible on his cheeks. He dropped his school bag on the floor spilling its contents out. He mindlessly looked around the room. Soon his now jaded emerald eyes, that no longer shone with enthusiasm and life, but is lifeless and dull, landed on a quill that rolled on the floor. He didn't know what he was doing nor thinking. But he walked towards it and bent down and picked it up. Eyeing its shiny, glittering, pointy tip._

'_He was always so silent, and gloomy_

_So, I tried to lighten him up…'_

'_I was only trying to cheer him up by being with him… but… but…'_

'_He was only toying with me…_

_Playing with me all along…_

_He had me wrapped up around his finger…_

_And he didn't even know it.'_

_Ritsu gripped the quill as he clenched his fist tighter._

'_I __**loved**__ him so much… so much that it hurts…_

_I gave him my body…_

_My soul…_

_My trust…_

_My everything…_

_My heart…_

_My self…_

_**But he just threw me away...**_

_As if, I was nothing…_

_No, I may be nothing to him…_

_But he was my world… my everything… my life…_

_I'm useless aren't I?'_

"_Saga…senpai…" he muttered his voice cracking. His tears dripped down. Staining the wooden floor in his room. He then rolled up his sleeve till it reached his upper arm. Exposing his thin, pale arm. Slowly he pressed the tip on the back of his elbow. More tears flowed temporarily blurring his vision. Squeezing his eyes shut it made his tears trickle down and drip on the floor. Also clearing his vision._

'_To think that I actually fell for him…_

_Without my life, I'm nothing but a shell…_

_And someone who is just a shell doesn't need to live…'_

_Taking a deep breath. He bit his lower lip. __**Hard**__. Drawing blood._

_He __**raised**__ his hand. __**Took aim**__._

'_I don't want that…'_

_His eyes __**dilated**__._

'_But…'_

_Then he leaned his whole weight on the hand. And with __**huge force**__._

'_Even though I know it's like a fantasy thinking he'll be there when I wake up in the hospital…_

_Or selfish…_

_I want that to happen but…_

_I don't have a reason to live __**anymore**__…'_

_He __**wielded**__ the quill __**down**__. _

_***Splurt**Drip**Drop* Drip**Drop***_

_Hitting __**right**__ on spot. Then dragged the quill down to his wrist drawing blood as the tip sliced through his flesh. Dragging some along making his skin stretch._

**(A/N: I know! I've been making this kind of stories! Sorry! I'm not a happy-ever-after person as you can see… no wait, I AM… I mean that I'm not one of those… ugh… I can't describe it! Anyway… I'm really sorry… but this plot just won't stop bothering me! I'm sorry… I PROMISE I'm NOT trying to kill anyone with sorrow! This kind of plots just hit me! I hope you can forgive me guys! Also, please don't be so hard on me… I'm not only making a Sekaiichi or Junjou fanfic… I also have other plots in my head and are sometimes getting in the way… I'm so sorry for another Hurt/Comfort, Angst story… I'll do my best to make a more romantic fic in the future… please just don't kill me T^T. Chapter 1 will be posted soon… this is DarkAlchemistAssassin, at your service. Review? CHAO~!)**

**P.S**

**Also, if you have notice… I'll only put the disclaimer in the summary or either first chapter if it doesn't fit. Cause it's such a hassle to keep typing I don't own or Disclaimer over and over. So yeah,… please bear with me…**


	2. Chapter 1

**I don't own SiH.**

**|Chapter 1: Welcoming the Newbies|**

**[Third POV; Takano's side]**

The whole Emerald department were now in their dead state. Due to another hell week that they had just barely survived and were barely able to pass their manuscripts in time. Why are we living like this? It's because of those damned authors who just won't submit their manuscripts in time!

It wasn't long when they heard a gasp.

'_That must be the newbies Isaka-san was talking about…'_ Takano thought. He then heard the girl from the General Affairs wish the rookies good luck before running off.

"Um… we're the new ones…" came a soft voice… strangely Takano felt drawn to.

***THUD***

"EEK!" Hahahah… Kisa probably fell. Scaring the shits out of them! What a great timing for their first day!

Yes, **their**. There were two of them.

"W-Wha-at?" Kisa asked.

"Um… excuse me, but we're the new ones starting today…" came the same voice.

"Oh, was it today?" Kisa asked no one in particular. "T-Takano-san! The new guys are here…" Kisa rasped. Receiving no response. "Takano-san!" he called again.

***THUD***

Takano slammed his foot on the desk.

"Shut up!"

"Tsk. I heard you the first time!" Takano yelled. Taking off the manga that blocked his view and put on his glasses. He eyed the two men in front. An emerald eyed brunette taller than an average Japanese man but still shorter than Takano himself. Next to him a turquoise eyed-shoulder length hair- blonde probably as tall as Takano himself. Both wore matching outfit.**(Ritsu's clothing in the first episode)**

"So, what are you? Part-timers?" Takano asked.

"Ah… no full-time based on contract…" the brunette answered. The blonde only nodded. Takano then scratched his head.

"Your names?" Takano asked.

"Oda Hoitsu. "The blonde stated.

'_Oda? Where have I heard that?'_

"My name is Onodera Ritsu…" the brunette said.

'_Ritsu? Now I know I heard that name somewhere…'_

"Oh, yeah, they said that someone like you had come…" Takano pondered aloud while Onodera looked like he was ready to kill anyone.

"It's nice to meet you." Onodera stated instead giving a curt bow. While Hoitsu just looked around the room.

"I couldn't be there for the interview, but you worked as an editor, right?" Takano asked as he typed on his laptop.

"Yeah, worked at Onodera Publishing for four years…" Hoitsu stated nonchalantly.

"Yes, I worked at Onodera Publishing for three years." Onodera answered politely.

"Teen Magazine? Adolescent magazine?"

"Ah… no…" The brunette started. Takano raised a brow.

"Always worked on BL light novels…" the blonde answered. Hatori and Kisa looked up. No longer the dead. Takano then looked at the brunette who grimaced.

"I've always worked on Literature…" Takano swore that his eyes could've popped out of their sockets.

"Literature?!"

"Yes."

'_What the hell?! What is Isaka-san thinking?!' _Takano screamed in his thoughts.

"So, this is your first time with manga?" Takano asked instead.

"Yes…/Yeah." Came an answer from both.**(I guess I don't have to explain why I put two answers, right?)**

"I only edited the soft copies…" Hoitsu stated. Takano grunted. Looking away.

"Useless…" the brunette glared at him.

"Takano-san, the sub mat is done." Hatori stated still holding the receiver on his hand.

"Okay." Takano stood up. "Newbies, follow me."

"Huh?" Onodera questioned. Both confused. Though the statement did caught Hoitsu's attention.**(Also I'm refraining from calling Hoitsu 'Oda' cause it might sound like 'Oda Ritsu')**

"You'll have to learn to work." Takano answered. With that, both followed him.

"Sub mat means a substitute material, right?" Onodera asked as they boarded the lift. For some reason he was the only one doing most talking. The blonde rolled his eyes. "Does that mean someone didn't deliver?" Onodera continued.

"Yes." Takano nodded.

"For this month?" Onodera pried.

"Yes." Takano answered. Hoitsu only looked at them as they converse right behind them.

"I'm sorry, but when is the release date?" Onodera interrogated further.

'_Curious much?'_ Takano couldn't help but let out an inward chuckle. As if, in hell, he was going to show that he's actually interested in a newbie whom he just met!**(The same thing happened to Oda Ritsu though… -_-")**

"_Wait, what?!'_

"In seven days." Takano replied in his poker face. Though he could feel his heart pound loudly in his chest. That he could swear that is blocking out all other noise.

"In seven days?! At the stores?!" Onodera exclaimed.

'_He really doesn't have experience in manga alright.' _Takano thought also side-glancing at Hoitsu on the corner of his eyes. The blonde though seemed not surprised at the information. _'Must knew of it…'_ Takano thought.

"If the substitute material just got done, when did they start working on it?" Onodera added.

"Three days ago." Onodera then gave him a 'Are you serious?' look.

"Uh, don't you have some stock sub mat? Like new artist's work, or something the like?" Onodera questioned further.

'_Whoa, he's really curious…'_ Takano couldn't help but thought. He then reverted his in front. The doors slid open.

"We've got too much of it, but it's all useless." Takano then went out. And the two followed.

"But isn't that given with sub mat?"

'_So, he does know what '__**sub mat'**__ is… so, he's just concern on how we do things, huh? Though that Oda guy seemed to not mind.'_ Takano thought, he sent another side-glance to the blonde. Who now care-freely had his hands on his head whistling silently as he followed them. For some reason, Takano has a feeling that he's going to dislike this guy.**(*evil smirk* Of course you do~)**Takano then gave Onodera his attention facing him.

"Whether you're an editor or an author, if you think that 'sub mat' is just a filler, you're an idiot." Takano stated. Onodera grunted. "If there's a hole, cram a diamond in there even if it's rough." He turned around. "That's common sense." They then followed him to the room where he met with the author. Takano then checked the manuscripts as Onodera watched closely. While Hoitsu looked around. Takano then flipped through the pages.

"I'm sorry for telling you to finish it in three days." Takano said softly. Then he looked at one page.

"It's not a problem, I've got the time." The author replied.

"Did you bring your tools?" he asked.

"Oh, yes." The author then rummage through her bag to get it.

"Can you make the kissing scene more dramatic?" Takano requested before handing the page to the author. Who accepted it and started changing the scene.

"Something like this?" the author asked. Takano kept an eye on her work and shook his head and pointed at the panel.

"No, more like from this angle…" Takano said as the author hurried to fix her work.

"Are you making her redraw it now? Aren't you making the printers wait?" Onodera questioned.

"No, not like that. Here." Takano then pointed at the part again. Takano then rest his cheek on his hand. "You have kiss someone before, right?" Takano asked. The author blushed red flinching. While Onodera had a ' Hey now, isn't that sexual harassment?!' look on his face. While Hoitsu wasn't bothered at all by it and yawned instead. Completely uninterested.

'_If you're __**that**__ uninterested in manga then just quit dammit! I don't need lazy boned workers!'_ Takano thought angrily.

"Uh, isn't it fine the way it is now?" Onodera asked. "It's drawn well enough as it is, and we don't have time."

"I'm just saying it, because I know it can be better. Amateurs should stay out of it." Takano stated nonchalantly. Onodera gaped at him. And for some reason. Hoitsu who did nothing since earlier. Glared at him dead on. It wasn't an ordinary glare though. A protective but deadly one.

'_Uwah… but so, he does care…'_

"Ah, but even if you do it, you can't see yourself…" the author laughed awkwardly.

"That IS true…" Takano softly stated. Seeming to have decided on something Takano straightened up. Also getting both Ritsu and Hoitsu's attentions. "Alright, I'll show an example so please draw it real quick." Takano stood up. Hoitsu looked at him raising his brow. Somehow feeling a bit uneasy. Onodera stood up.

"Oh, references right? I'll go get some." Onodera stated and was about to leave but stopped. When Takano though paid him no heed and went to instruct the author whilst taking off his glasses.

"From this angle so you can see the chin, slightly tilted." Takano said.

"Uh…" and before anyone could react. Takano grabbed Onodera's wrist and pulled him back. "Eh?" Hoitsu now head a deadly look on his face. Takano then tilted Onodera's face up. Who now had a confused but in disbelief look. And before they knew it. Takano leaned in on Onodera catching his lips. Who tensed up in the contact. The author blushed madly and started drawing in a fast speed.

"GAHHH!" Hoitsu could feel his blood boil. After a while, Takano let Onodera go. Who now slowly turned blue and hold onto the wall for support. The author huffing and gasping for air from the scene she just witnessed. **(I swear if I saw that in live? Oh, yeah… I feel like I'm gonna die… from happiness =W=)**

"Did you get that?" Takano asked as if nothing had happened.

"Un." the author nodded.

"Then please ink it real quick." Takano added before taking his seat and putting his glasses back on. The author then did as told. Onodera was about to open his mouth when Hoitsu ran next to him as if examining him. No, he is.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" Hoitsu asked angrily glaring at Takano. Who faced them both with no particular but an emotionless look on his face.

"What do you mean? Work, of course." He answered bluntly. Ritsu gritted his teeth together. While Hoitsu just huffed and put his hand on the brunette's back. But still glared at Takano.

===?¿?¿?===

Takano walked around the halls. Seeing the restroom ahead he was about to go in. But stopped when he heard a pair of not-so-hushed whispering voices. Though one is hissing. Which he soon noticed that it belonged to the new blonde worker, Oda Hoitsu.

"Shit, how dare he…" Hoitsu gritted his teeth together. Takano could only raise a brow. Before peeking inside. Only to see Hoitsu and Ritsu together.

'_Uwah… so they ARE close…'_ Takano thought. Ritsu only grunted.

"Don't remind me…"Hoitsu only rolled his eyes. Before gently putting his cheek on Onodera's cheek. Takano then suddenly felt a strange twinge in him.

'_What the…'_

"I don't want anyone else touching you like that… be it work-related or not…" he stated softly. Onodera then put his hand over the blonde's own. And smiled gently.

"Of course… only Hoitsu's allowed to touch Ritsu like that…" Onodera stated. In a slutty manner. Before softly taking the hand of his cheek and kissing it on its knuckles. Takano then felt the twinge grew. Hoitsu then gave him a smile. And took a step forward and was about to press their lips together. When Takano's body move on its own and went in. Walking in on the two. Onodera jolted while Hoitsu glared clearly annoyed that someone disturbed them. Takano only spared them a glance as if not noticing them earlier.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Hoitsu asked as he put his arms around Ritsu in a protective manner. Though Ritsu only blushed a bit and looked away.

"What am I not allowed to take a break?" Takano asked. Hoitsu could only hiss on his throat. Takano sighed and took a deep breath. For some reason he didn't like it;

Earlier he saw Ritsu as a hard-working worker. Which he knew will catch up soon despite being new to manga and all. And he respected that side of the brunette. But seeing that slutty side. He somehow didn't like it. As if he knew the brunette all along and that he had changed… but why? Also, since when did he start calling Onodera '**Ritsu'** in his thoughts? But now that he think back to it. Despite what Ritsu said and how his face went along with it. His eyes… only his eyes didn't gave the same emotion in them. They were lifeless. And only a shade of dull emerald. He wondered what was it that took the light from those emerald orbs as if he knew them form before. But where? And when? For some reason he felt a heavy guilt in his heart that made it ache. Why? Those eyes were lifeless that he somehow wanted to bring back the light and life in it. knowing that it would suite the brunette better. What? Wait, what?!

Is he going nuts or something?!

Obviously these two aren't JUST close…

They're going out! Get a grip! And move on already!

Wait, what?

Somehow, he didn't like it… that the two are going out… true that he should get a grip… but… move on? Just where in the hell did that come from?!

"What are glaring at?!" Hoitsu asked as he tightened his arms.

"Uhh… Hoitsu…" Ritsu tried calling out to the man but it was nevertheless futile. Takano sighed. That he didn't even know he had been holding his breath.

"For the company's policy, limit your personal and private activities to minimum. Or it'll get in the way of your work. And earlier, that was work. In this company, we don't give a shit if you're going out with someone else. As long as it is for work then do it. and it wasn't half-assed or anything." Takano then glared at Hoitsu hard. For some reason, he really hates this guy. Also, why is he trying so hard to explain? And why is he feeling jealous? "Also I didn't do that to seduce him. Nor flirt with him nor tease him. As stated that was work and I don't give a shit if your jealous or whatever. Editors should be passionate with their job and if their author need a references and fast, you do it right away and as soon as possible. If not then you have no right to call yourself an editor." Hoitsu sighed but nodded.

"I know…" he answered. But still didn't let go of the brunette.

"Also, I just confirmed this with my boss… you're the Heir of the Onodera Publishing house, right?" Takano asked directing it to Ritsu. Ritsu nodded. But furrowed his brows. Anger or distaste. Takano couldn't say.

"Yes, but there's no connection between me and the company." Ritsu replied sternly.

"Are you dissatisfied being here, since you wanted to so literature?" Takano asked only directing it to the brunette. Ritsu's eyes hardened. _'Hit the nail, didn't I?'_

"Ahh… no. How should I put this?" Ritsu replied. "Shoujo mangas' have a heavy focus on romance." Ritsu added slowly. "I'm not really good at that sort of stuff, or don't really have a good idea…" Ritsu continued. Takano could only inwardly be confused. "To be honest, I don't really understand romance anyway…" Takano though couldn't believe what he is hearing.

Because; he just showed false love to the blonde. Wait, false love? Well, sad but true. Takano couldn't help but agree with his thoughts. Recalling the brunette's eyes. And how they showed no motivation on loving the blonde at all. Hoitsu all but tightened his grip around the brunette.

'_Says the one who acted like he could show it earlier… and he's okay with it?'_ Takano thought glancing at Ritsu to Hoitsu.

"If you're not motivated, quit because you'll just get in the way." Takano stated. Truth to be told he didn't want to say that either. But this was reality. Not some fictional game nor story. Hoitsu glared hard. As Ritsu just looked at the tiled floor but still glared at Takano. "How many people do you think get to do the thing they love for work?"

"That…"

"Everybody starts as an amateur." Ritsu stared at him. Including Hoitsu. Not knowing what hit him. His mouth opened on its own. "Well, useless people are useless no matter what they do." The two gaped at him. "Well, the others have gone home, so you can go home, too. Newbies."

"It's Onodera!"

"Oda…"

'_Oda…'_

"Listen."

"Yes?" Ritsu hissed, seeing it was directed to him.

"Have we met before?" Takano asked. Hoitsu's eyes widened. For some reason. He had a look of disbelief in his eyes. As Ritsu just looked confused. Angry but confused.

"I don't know…" Ritsu replied. Before going out of the grip and going out. Followed by the blonde who seemed deep in thought. Takano sighed.

For some reason he really couldn't shake the feeling of dread on him. He wanted to know. But at the same time, he didn't. He didn't wanted to be involve. But at the same time, he did. Just what is wrong with him?

This wasn't his kohai. They just looked alike.

Hell, the man doesn't even act like the boy.

And what? By some coincidence, they have the same first name and looks? Hell. What a REAL coincidence!

Oh hell. The way the Onodera looked at him. For some reason he wished that the brunette looked at him the same way his kohai did.

But why? Why was eh feeling so insecure around the man?

Was it because he looked the same with _Oda Ritsu_?

Despite the way he glares.

There was something with him.

Something.

Something. But Takano just couldn't point it out.

There was a dread on the back of Takano's heart. He could tell. But he didn't know what nor where the source is coming from nor why is it there.

He had a hunch. But he didn't want to believe it.

There was really something with Onodera. But he just couldn't say.

Ever since Oda Ritsu, his kohai had left him. He had sworn to move on and not try a relationship at all. Well that was when he had started working.

Then.. why?

Why is his heart beating like crazy around Onodera. And the man already has his date to top it all!

Well, the man doesn't show that much affection to him though.

Takano shook his head and sighed. He really needs to snap out of it.

===XxXxX===

Takano walked down the halls. Passing by a woman from the General affairs. She bowed to him. He returned it.

"Going home?"

"No. to a meeting. Bye" Takano smiled as the woman bowed and silently giggled. Takano then passed by the dimly lit editorial department. Seeing one light source, he looked inside,

_Badump!_

_Badump!_

_Badump!_

What the—

In the office there. The newbie, Onodera sat on his prescribed desk. Reading a manga with determination and motivation in his eyes.

Takano sighed.

Why are they so damn alike?

Takano then proceeded to leave the office.

===XxXxX===

The next morning. Takano as usual got up early. It was the end of the cycle. And they had to clean up the office. Also with the newbies. They need to welcome them properly. So with that Takano prepared for the day. And left his apartment early as possible. And then he, Kisa, Mino and Hatori started cleaning the place of dump up. It only took them three hours to let the office recover it's true form and state before and after the cycle. Takano then eyed the new work's results that just arrived. Soon enough the two newcomers arrived.

"Good morning…" Onodera bowed. As Hoitsu stared at them, right behind him and nodded.

"Good morning, Onodera-kun! Oda-kun!" Kisa and Mino greeted all fresh. Onodera blinked. Takano could almost feel himself blowing and laughing out loud . seeing the dumbstrucked expression. As Hoitsu just stared uninterested.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I made a mistake. Emerald…" Onodera was about to go away. Takano felt himself smirk.

'_Stupid! What are you smiling about?!'_ he scolded himself as Kisa laughed and retrieved the newbie.

"What are you talking about? We're here!" Kisa stated cheerfully gesturing to the office and pulling him back. Takano thought just watched the whole ordeal take place from the corner of his eyes. "Sorry about yesterday." Kisa added.

"We just barely got the manuscript in before the deadline, so it's all good again." Mino continued. As Kisa took his seat. "So this is your first time working on manga? But don't worry.." Mino added. He and Kisa then raised thumbs up.

"We'll teach you the ropes!" the two piped as Hatori sighed behind them.

"Uh, Excuse me. I have to go to the bathroom." Onodera then hurriedly went out of the office before dashing outside dragging a worker from another department. Making the poor man scream.

"No, please! I'm not part of the Emerald team!" Takano could only chuckle. Before stopping himself.

'_Why did I just find that funny just now?'_ he asked himself putting his hand over his mouth. Like he did back in high school when he saw… GAH! He inwardly shook his head. _'Stop thinking of a man whose face you can't even remember!'_ he again scolded himself as Hoitsu briefly passed the other three and put his bag on top of his prescribed desk and seat next to Takano. Much to the man's displeasure. He then looked at Takano. Whom Takano easily acknowledge.

"Umm… Takano-san…" he started approaching the man. He glanced at the other three before continuing. "By any chance… did you change your last name?" he asked. With that question, Takano felt the dread he had been feeling raise. Though he kept his poker face intact. Despite the blonde was really serious.

"Why do you want to know?" Takano asked. Hoitsu opened his mouth to speak but stopped when Ritsu came back welcomed by the others. Looks like they didn't notice Hoitsu. Or more like just didn't want to acknowledged the man.

But wait… now that you mention it. Hoitsu's last name is the same with Oda Ritsu's. Could it be possible that he and Oda Ritsu have some sort of connection?

"Forget it. Nevermind." Hoitsu stated. Before going back to his seat and taking it. Though still deep in thought.

With that, the day passed on. With Mino and Kisa teaching Ritsu the ropes as they have promised. As Mino teaches. Takano watched them intently as the creepy smirking man explained. As they conversed. Takano picked up the conversation.

**(A/N: I'm lazy typing every line… so am skipping some a bit…)**

"What's the matter?" Mino asked as the brunette seemed to have found something intriguing.

"I was just wondering if this author ran out of time." Ritsu replied looking at the page.

"Eh? Why?" though Mino seemed confused. Even Takano himself did. Though, he did find Kisa's speech about the 'crooked photocomposition pasting' funny seeing the man was crooked on this month's article on page 12.

"The two pages are spread mostly white." Ritsu explained his worries as Hoitsu paid attention to his… uh, lover's wondering. Leaning back. Ritsu then pointed to a panel on the page. "And this panel just has toner and text." He added. "It seems half-assed." He added softly. Takano then reflexively took a metal ruler from its holder and threw it at the brunette as the others moved out of its way.

"YOU FOOL!" Takano yelled.

"Ugh… Guwa-ah!" Ritsu grunted. Standing up. As Hoitsu just blinked. He clearly wasn't expecting that. "What was that for?!" Ritsu asked. Holding his injured head.

"You idiot!" Takano pointed at him. Hoitsu clearly scowled. He didn't like how his boss was treating the brunette. However, it was clear that the man was going to explain something. "That's' a maiden's heartthrob panel!"

"Throb panel?" Ritsu questioned. Takano nodded.

"Yes, look at it!" Takano said his voice softening. Ritsu then looked at the page. "This is the scene where the main character and her male partner finally get over being stubborn and admit their love for each other." Takano explained. "In the first person view, the reader gets easily emotionally involved." He paused. "That's why it's important to let the readers know that "It's coming, it's coming," and let them anticipate the scene."

"For example, we can enlarge the text to ramp up anticipation. In addition, when our readers are at the edge of their seats. With the right timing. We drop the bomb." Takano explained further.

"Uwahh… do you understand this feeling?!" the two dramatically and animatedly said as Hatori nodded agreeing. Though Ritsu just glared at the manuscript. And focused on doing his work taking his seat and started pasting the photocomposition texts. As the others chatted. Hoitsu being a wallflower. Takano didn't know what got to him. Nevertheless, he went over his seat, approached the brunette, and raked his hand thourgh the brunette's brown locks. Now that he took note that was soft and silky. Strangely for a man to own. Well, he is going out with a MAN and he IS the heir to the Onodera Publishing house. Still. It didn't stop Takano from wondering.

"I can't really shake the feeling that I've met you before, but I can't remember where."

'_And when…'_ it was true though. Ritsu just blushed a bit and gently slapped his hand away. Also glaring at the blonde who was about to stand. Probably telling him that he got it all under control.

"Well, since we live in the same area, we might have passed each other. And as we're working in the same business, we might have been at the printers at the same time or something." Ritsu reasoned.

"Ah, I guess that's true." Despite what he said. Takano still felt it.

And for some reason. He felt…

Nostalgic towards the dread feeling.

Why?

Takano then went back to his quarters. As Kisa glanced at what Ritsu is doing.

"Hey, Ricchan. What are you doing with that manga catalog?"

Takano, Hoitsu and Ritsu then had the same thoughts about the newly given nickname. True Ritsu was cute and all. And…

Wait, what?!

'_Snap out of it!' _Takano scolded himself, yet again.

"Since I just started with manga, I was thinking of memorizing all the manga our company has published." Came a reply. Hotisu just smiled though.

"For real?! You do realize that our company has published over thousands of books, right?"

"Ah, well, actually I'm not just memorizing them. I'm also reading every one of them."

"Holy crap! There's no way I could do that…!"

"Oh, but I…"

'_You what?'_

"…Used to read all books when I was a student. It was a hobby." Came a curt reply.

'_What…?'_ Takano couldn't help but look at him. Earning their attentions.

_Badump!_

_Badump!_

_Badump!_

He was here… he IS right here. Just in front of him.

_Badump!_

_Badump! _

_Badump!_

_His Oda Ritsu…_

Though the man just looked confused.

"What is it?" he asked.

"_He doesn't remember you…"_ the voice in his head said.

"Nothing…" Takano looked away. Though Ritsu blushed. Takano then inwardly shook his head.

'_There's no way I'm falling in love with __**him**__ again!'_ Takano thought.

"_That's nice…"_ the voice retorted.

"_But then… why is your heart pounding like crazy then?"_

Takano's eyes widened.

_Badump!_

_Badump!_

_Badump!_

_Badump!_

He swallowed. Before shaking his head again. But that didn't remove the feeling that he felt. Now he knows why he felt that way. And why he felt.

_Nostalgic_.

The day then passed off. Other employees bidding their 'Good Works' and 'Good bye' and 'See you tomorrow!'

The only ones left in the office were. Takano, Ritsu and Hoitsu. Ritsu was reading yet another Shoujo manga. Takano then stood up, took his case and hang it over his shoulder. And was about to leave. When he felt another tug at his chest. He then couldn't help but look back at Ritsu.

Who used to be his sweet kohai.

Though no longer sweet.

His Oda Ritsu…

===XxXxX===

**(A/N: Uwahh… I have questions for myself;**

**Why am I so damned negative and always thinking of this kind of plots?**

**Just why won't I stop making them?**

**Why are they so tempting to read?**

**Why do I like this kind of plots even though it hurts so much right here?*press hands over chest***

**Despite it hurts so much. Why do I keep on reading it?**

**Why do keep on looking for it?**

**Why?**

**Is it because of the saying; 'Finding pleasure in pain'?**

**Moreover, why can't I stop thinking about it once I make the plot? I have more like 10 or so of it-both SiH and JR- in my head. Just 'What if' theories. And last but not the least.**

**Why am I using the pair I like most in these plots?**

**Answers, anyone?XD**

**Why am I asking myself and letting you guys answer it?**

**XD Hahah… watching 'Walking Dead' me and mah family are having a marathon of itXD But… cause of this… got another plot in my headXD**

**Though as I was typing this. There were some certain parts that I couldn't help but think.**

'_**If only you knew, Takano… if only you knew…'**_

**Umm… so…**

**How'd I do?**

**This is DarkAlchemistAssassin, at your service… Review? CHAO~!)**


	3. Chapter 2

**|Chapter 2: Scars|**

**[Hoitsu's POV] **

I yawned as I stood up.

'_Hell, what has gotten into him?'_ I couldn't help but glance at Ritsu who's still asleep. I sighed. To think that he read another hundred batch of manga last night. He really needs someone to stop him. I sighed and smiled as I approached him.

True, I HATE Takano-san of all people I've met.

The man got some nerve to kiss Ritsu in front of me!

True, Ritsu IS going out with me. But, I can still feel it.

He's still looking for _**him**_.

I wonder what should I do to stop him? I sighed. Before approaching where my so-called lover is resting.

I'm glad though. That he had stopped receiving those nightmares. I then brushed the bangs off his forehead.

If he only kept his hairstyle as before. He would've been more cuter.

Well, if I say that in front of him?

He'll kick me out. And, by kick. I don't mean any ordinary kick.

But a ROUNDHOUSE KICK!

Though he did say that he didn't want to remember how he looked like back when he was back in high school.

Well that makes sense.

To think that he actually lost it after that _laugh_. Damned bastard. If I ever see that Saga again… I'm so gonna kill him.

I stared at Ritsu.

I sighed.

Whenever his asleep… he looks so… so peaceful. If only he would be like that when he is awake. My eyes then trailed down to his left arm. I then slid the sleeve up. Revealing an old scar and some new ones. I could then feel a lump in my throat.

Ritsu was fragile. Always pale. And thin. But… he was so… cheerful, aloof and timid back then. Well, still dense. But now?

A lot of him has change. Though, I'm glad that his straightforward self didn't waver. But I guess that's just him. Then his eyes snapped open. As he shot up grimacing. Probably a bad dream. No, he probably dreamt of Takano-san kissing him. _Again_. Figures, he HAD been reading Shoujo manga.

Oh, how I miss those Emerald eyes. Full of life…

But now? It's dull, jaded and lifeless.

I shuddered remembering what he said the other day and how he said it. But his eyes said 'no' to it.

Why? Is it...

Is it because I'm not the man he fell for?

Is it because he didn't want to be hurt again?

Or is it because I'm not the one he's looking for?

I sighed.

I could still remember it when he had agreed to go out with me like any other lover. But he DID told me to not to get ahead of myself just because he let me take care of him. I could still remember it as if it was yesterday.

===_Flashback_===

"_Ritsu… how are you feeling?" I asked as I glanced at his bandage arms._

_The doctor said that he used a quill's tip to cut the skin on his arms. And it was lined vertically on his arm. But his skin broken._

_His eyes though stared at me. As if in some sort of trance. Dull, lifeless, jaded emerald orbs. They no longer shone like they used to before. To tell the truth. It was his eyes. His eyes was the reason why I fell for him._

_He nodded._

"_Umm… I know it's kinda late to say this… but…" I glanced at him. I swore when I found his body. The doctor said that if I hadn't find him any sooner than that. We would've lost him. He looked at him. "I know you just got dumped and all but… I would do anything to help you back on your feet. But… please… go out with me!"_

"_Why?" he asked. No emotion in his voice. I looked at him._

"_I always love you…" I admitted. It took me five years to say that? And to think that it was this easy… he though just looked at me._

"_Why me?" he asked._

"_I-I don't really know… I guess it's because it's just you…" he chuckled._

"_Fine." I looked at him. "I'll go out with you." He smiled. Despite his eyes didn't went along with it. "But… I didn't get dumped. I dumped him." Now I was confused. Why would you do that? "Well, he was just playing with me. He deserved it." he said as if reading my thoughts. I couldn't help but glance at his wrists. No, his whole arms. He laughed. "I didn't even think. Well to be frank, I wasn't thinking at all… I didn't know what hit me." I shook my head._

"_I know… but none of that matters…" I stated. I looked at him. He stared back. "So… will you…"_

"_Will I go out with you?" he continued. I nodded. "Why not?" I looked at him. I wonder. If I had confessed to him before he fell for __**that Saga**__. Would he blush and get all flustered like he did when he confessed?_

_I nodded and smiled._

"_I promise I would take care of you" I said bowing. I had been respecting the Onodera family after all. And the Oda clan were just their servants. If there's anything, I should do. I will take care of him. Until he find the right person for him. Be it Man or woman. But to think that they actually called of the engagement. Well, I'm not surprised though. They probably thought he went nuts._

"_I will go out with you…" he repeated. Now I stared at him. "but I can't promise you that I will move on. Or if what I did, like slitting my arms using a quill will be the last…" he said._

"_But, Hoitsu…_

_Your kind… and I appreciate that…_

_But He's sweet…_

_I can tell that even if I remember you…_

_I'll still look for him._

_My world now revolves around you, as you're my only connection to this world and to as why I'm alive._

_But he's my life…_

_I hope you can understand that…" he said. Every word I felt myself fell in love with him more. But… he's heart belongs to that man. And still does. I nodded._

"_No matter what it takes… I'll always be there for you…" I said bowing._

"_Really?" he asked. I nodded. "And you still want to go out with me despite what I said?"_

"_Absolutely." I raised my head. Walked towards him. Taking his right hand in mine. I knelt my knee. "I promise. And if ever you find the right person. I'll give up." With that, I kissed his knuckles. He smiled._

_And his eyes did too._

===_End of Flashback_===

I chuckled.

"That dream again?" I asked. He sighed and grumble but nodded. "Come on… let's get ready for work…" I said. He nodded.

==XxXxX===

**[Third's POV; Takano's side(well, most of it)]**

It had been days since Ritsu and Hoitsu joined the Emerald.

Takano though. Was wondering. Despite he told himself to never, fall for the brunette again. Why? Why was he looking forward to see him every single day?

Knowing that the brunette doesn't really love that Hoitsu guy gave him relief. But knowing that the two would still be together. Ugh,… he could only grimace.

Ritsu was diligent. He was eager to work despite the career not being literature, he was willing to know more. To be a real editor.

Because being an editor doesn't mean to be good in one field. Being good at other fields is also better.

_Badump!_

'_Stop thinking of him already!'_

Soon, the phone rang. Takano then picked it up.

"This is Takano Masamune…" but stopped on his tracks when the author's voice cut him off. "What?! It's not done?!... Why not?! Who was it that said yesterday that it would be done this morning?!" hearing a reply. "Then when? What?! You don't know?! What the hell is that supposed to mean?... What the fuck?! Do you know how much shit we had to go through with the printers to get an extension?!" hearing another reply from a seemingly dead author. He yelled further. "Excuse me?! just shut up and get to writing that manuscript already." Takano then slammed the phone down. Gathering his things.

"Onodera, come on. We're gonna pay this writer-clown a visit." Takano said as he hang his bag by his shoulder.

"Eh, you mean now?!" as if the brunette didn't say anything. Takano continued.

"We'll paste in the photo typeset there and grab the last twelve pages. And bring you X-Acto knife." He paused. "You'll end up pasting in the toner, too."

"Uh, but I don't have the right skill set for that."

"Well, you're the only one doing jack right now." Takano cut in. before reverting his attention to the others. "I'm counting on you guys." Kisa then wave in agreement as Onodera went to gather his things as Takano went ahead and then phoned the printers to get another extension. Despite knowing, that Hoitsu could paste tones already. For some reason the man didn't come in the office today. Saying that there was an emergency. Which left him with Onodera.

Takano though didn't like it how his heart pounded when Ritsu got too close to him. Thankfully, he had to negotiate with the printers. Or he could've sworn that without that distraction. He would've ravaged the brunette then.

Though he did know that the brunette doesn't and still doesn't know that it is him.

Though it did take a while to convince the printers.

Soon enough they arrived at the author's place. Which didn't look any better than the office. After some arguments with the lazy butt author. The author had to ask some questions regarding her manga. In which. Takano's reply irked Ritsu. Making the brunette stand up from his quarters and approach the author. Takano then watched from the corner of his eyes. Wondering what will his kohai do. Though still did his work.

"Um.. I want you to know that I bought your last volume." Ritsu stated.

'_Are you an idiot?'_

"What?"

"Uh… Well, you see… I just got into manga publishing, so now I'm reading everything we publish. Even as a guy, I enjoyed it. so when I heard you had a new volume out this month I went out and bought it."

'_Whoa… still straight-forward as ever as I can see…' _Takano thought.

_Badump!_

_Badump!_

_Badump!_

'_What the… I already decided that I would not fall for him again! but why?_

_Why do I still yearn for him?'_

"Can't you get them for free at work?" asked the author. Really confused.

"I do, but since I liked it so much, I thought I should reward the creator by buying a copy."

"Because giving money to Marukawa, after Marukawa paid you, makes a lot of sense." Takano couldn't help but comment.

"Eh… Uwah!" Ritsu glanced at Takano.

"You just realized that?" Takano then looked up from his work.

"Anyway, I think your manga is fun to read. So please, you're almost done!" Takano then stood up from his seat and put a hand over the man's shoulder.

"Even the rookie says so." Takano said. "Has there even been a mistake in something where I had OKed the storyboard?"" he added.

"None."

"Then you don't have to redo it. I talked to the printer, and you have an extension until tomorrow morning." Takano added. As the author gave him her attention.

"But I was told to have it done by noon today." The author said softly. The assistants now listening.

"We know there's no way you can finish it." Takano said. "Just so you know, things like this lowers your reputation."

"Got it."

"Then hurry up and finish it!"

"Yes, sir." Seeing the author had enough motivation and determination. Takano nodded to Rtisu and they continued with their work. Ritsu also learned how to apply tones from the assistants. Throughout the day, they worked on the manuscripts and finished early in the morning. Getting sighs of relief from the assistants. And the author herself as she finished the Nikkou Toushou-guu

But there was something bugging Takano while they were working.

Seeing Ritsu straightforward like before. Gave him another strange tug in his chest. Making his heart pound. That was when he realized it.

'_It doesn't matter when we met, be it past or present…_

_I lo- no…_

_I definitely love him…'_ Takano thought.

With everything else settled, Takano and Ritsu headed to submit the manuscripts for final proofing. Going back to their office. Ritsu sulking as he did so. Takano then went straight for the vending machines and paid for two black canned coffees. Takano then put his case on his seat. Before going to the lounge room of the office. And took the seat next to Ritsu.

"We're done. I'm glad we got it in, in the end." Ritsu said.

'_Take some credit for yourself, too.'_

"And I'm glad that you were there."

"What?"

"She's not usually one of the hysterical ones… but this time she was having a real hard time getting it out." Takano paused to breath for a short while "I think you gave her back some of her confidence."

"Oh, no… I'm really sorry I did that." He paused. "I wish I had more tact… but that's just me."

'_Just?'_

"When something's important, I blurt out exactly what I feel."

"Indeed." Takano then handed him the coffee he bought. Smiling one of his dazzling smiles. Making the brunette blush. He then covered his eyes with his brown locks and accepted the coffee. And took it from Takano's hand. Their skin brushing a bit.

_Badump!_

_Badump!_

_Badump!_

"T-Thank you…" Ritsu said. Takano then opened his drink and took a sip.

"It's good to be direct. I think it's a huge compliment to say that her comic is fun to read." Takano then lighted a cigarette.

_Badump!_

_Badump!_

_Badump!_

"I-I guess that's fine then…" Takano took a drag and exhaled it. The two fell silent again. Takano then took a long drag before feeling a certain someone staring at him.

"Hmm?" Takano then faced Ritsu who looked away. Still blushing. "You haven't changed at all." Takano stated still staring at him.

"Uh… What do you mean?" Ritsu asked. Takano's eyes widened.

Ouch…

"I guess you don't remember me."

"Oh, yeah. You mentioned that before. But I think you've got me confused for someone else." Ritsu said. "I'm sure this is the first time we've met." Putting out his cigarette. Takano was about to push down Ritsu on the couch knowing what to do that might shake the younger man's memory up. When…

"RITSU!" Hoitsu went inside the office. Getting their attentions.

'_Way to blow it…'_ Takano grimaced. And growled silently. Hoitsu just glared at him before approaching the brunette. Takano just stared at the whole ordeal. Hoitsu then started to examine Ritsu with his quick hands. Despite he was genuinely worried. Takano couldn't help it. But his brow twitched in annoyance. _'Don't touch him! More importantly don't let him touch you, Ritsu!'_

Yes, Takano IS jealous. And he's not ashamed of it.

"Uhh… Hoitsu…?"

"Ritsu, what happened? Why didn't you go back to the apartment yesterday? Where have you been? I was worried sick! You wouldn't answer you phone! You didn't mail me! where were you? What happened? Are you hurt?" Hoitsu bombarded him with questions.

"Oh, yeah… I'm sorry… but we had to tone and draft the manuscripts yesterday form the author's house to get it in before the deadline. Sorry I didn't mail you earlier…" Ritsu said. Hoitsu sighed.

"Thank goodness.." the then seemed to forget that Takano was here. Knowing he couldn't bear to watch this whole exchange. He stood up and decided to go and check in on the galleys to submit them to the printers. "You didn't try anything, did you?" Hoitsu asked concern but seriousness lacing his whole tone. Now that caught Takano's attention making him stop on his tracks. Takano then glanced back. He was by the divider right now.

"N-No, I didn't." Ritsu answered awkwardly. "Besides I was working the whole night. I didn't have time to do any—" Ritsu tried to reason. But Hoitsu cut him off.

"Bullshit." He bombed. And then slid Ritsu's left sleeve up in one swift swoop.

Revealing dozens of scarred cuts.

Some old.

Some fresh and new.

Takano eyes widened. His heart rammed in his ribs loudly. Making him go deaf. Ritsu then told the blonde something. Probably to stop.

But what caught his attention. Was the oldest scar of all. Probably from _ten years_ _ago_…

His heart sunk.

It was a long one. The scar looked like scattered and broken. For sure, it was cause by something point and sharp. But not a blade. There were many options. Either a sharp point stick. A point pen…

And worse…

A quill.

The oldest scar had the newer and recent scars over it.

Was…

Was he the cause of these?

He felt a lump form in his throat. The two were so caught up on themselves. That they didn't notice him staring.

Eventually, Hoitsu rolled the other sleeve.

"Wait, Hotisu!" Ritsu called. Now Takano could feel his bile rise up.

On his right arm.

It perfectly mirrored the one on the left.

Except…

For the three newly inflicted ones. Blood still on its rims. Estimating the wound. It looked like about five hours or so ago.

_That was when he went for a bathroom break…_

Hoitsu just sighed. Before rubbing the scarred arms.

"J-Just don't forget to warn me next time you go off and stay at an author's place…" Hoitsu said.

Wait… he wasn't mad of the cuts?

"What's the reason for these three this time?" Hoitsu asked softly. Takano then braced himself clenching his fists. Looking ahead of him. He heard Ritsu laugh awkwardly but genuinely as if his situation was funny.

_How can you still laugh?!_

"Well…"

"Is it about _him_?" Hoitsu asked.

_Him?_

Though Takano already have a good guess who that 'him' was.

Ritsu laughed again.

"Sorry… while I was pasting on the tones. I accidentally read some of the lines… I guess that got me a flashback of _Saga-senpai_ and I eventually lost it… well at least no one noticed I carried my X-Acto knife." Ritsu laughed. Now Takano could feel himself crumble. No his whole world.

Ritsu was suffering. And probably is.

_Because of him… if only he hadn't __**laughed**__…_

No wonder when he came back his sleeves were wet. Even the X-Acto knife. Though he did dried it.

Why hadn't Takano thought of that?!

"_Because you didn't think he would be the type of person to do that…"_

But… but… it was ten years! _**TEN YEARS!**_ Why didn't he just… moved on?

Takano knew he didn't like that option.

But…

But… it's better than having him suffer. It's better than making him lose his life bit-by-bit, right?

No wonder he was… _**paler**_ than last night. Takano then swallowed the lump. Only to have another one replace.

Then he felt two gazes at him. His hazel ones met turquoise and dull emerald ones. Shit. He had stared too long.

_Shock…_

_Disgust…_

_Distaste…_

_And…_

_Fear?_

'_Why?_

_Does he hate me that much?'_

Takano then cleared his throat.

"I'm sorry… I didn't mean to see that…" Takano said softly. Shadowing his eyes. Before, he thought he knew the dread.

But now? He do.

Takano then left the office.

He caused the brunette such pain.

Because of him.

His kohai…

His no longer 'sweet' kohai.

His _Oda Ritsu_.

His Ritsu was cutting himself.

Because of him.

It was all his fault.

If he just hadn't laughed.

===XxXxX===

Takano really need to clear his mind. Ever since he saw those… scars… he had tried to shove the thoughts of Ritsu off his mind.

His worried about the brunette.

_Worried to death._

But, he just… didn't know how to approach the man.

True, he DID apologize for seeing the scars.

_But…_

_Still…_

It was, no, IS his fault why the brunette is cutting himself.

He can't just say.

'I'm sorry, I never should've laughed at you before. Will you be mine?'

That would be demented!

_He would have a seizure! Worst…_

_Cardiac arrest._

He knows. He's over exaggerating.

But this is _Ritsu_ we're talking about!

_Ritsu…_

_The name sounds so beautiful…_

_So pure, so innocent…_**(Where the heck did those came from?O.O though true… I think I'm falling in love for RitsuXD)**

Yet to him, it brings pain…

And now, more dread.

He can't just blow it that he's Saga!

_I mean… how would Ritsu take it in? Surely, he would be mad…_

But he want to love him. And for the brunette to love him back.

_Again_.

_But is that even possible?_

He misses the brunette even more.

He wants Ritsu all to himself.

And yet to think that Ritsu would actually fall for him.

No, he _probably_ **already** has.

_But with that blonde in the way?_

_I don't think that's easy._

Takano then shook his head. And stepped on the accelerator. He _**really**_ isn't feeling good today. Especially after he had found out that Ritsu was…

_ARGH! Stop it already!_

Takano huffed as he parked his car where he usually parks it. Getting out. He slammed the door shut. He wasn't in the mood for _anything_. But there was something bugging him.

How would Ritsu react once he finds out that he is Saga?

His senpai?

How would he take it?

Would he blow at him?

Well he does deserve to be blown at…

Would Ritsu ask some questions?

Hell, he should've paid attention to that news…

===_Flashback_===

_Saga sat on his bed. With his TV on. Though he paid it no heed and stared at the ceiling._

_He knew what caused Ritsu. His kohai. The love of his life. Oda Ritsu, to run away._

_Because, he __**laughed**__._

_At first, he didn't realize it._

_Until, Ritsu kicked him that is._

_Sighing he looked at the flat screen in front of him. It was on silent mode. Not that it bothered him._

_Now in the news the headlights flashed;_

"_The Popular Publishing Company's Only Son Attempts Suicide!"_

===_End of Flashback_===

If he had paid more attention to that then what? He would've gone to the hospital?

Hell, he knew Ritsu as **Oda** back then! Not **Onodera**!

Moreover, how could he have known that Ritsu was the son of the Publishing Company?

Also, the reporter didn't say who and which company.

Though that's mostly because they talk about nothing but their likes and dislikes. Their interests. Not really about each other.

If it were about that. It was always Saga himself asking why Ritsu likes him so much.

Takano sighed. Why was this giving him this much attention? Why is it calling for him? Why does his heart sink whenever he thinks about that scar. Heck the news came after the day Ritsu ran from him.

So… that meant…

Ritsu did it when he got home…

'_Shit…'_ as soon as the realizations dawned on him. The more he regretted it. If only he had stopped Ritsu from running far. Then… then… would that stopped him from doing it?

Takano then rode the lift and pressed the 12th floor button. And tapped his foot on the ground waiting for the floor to come, with a ding. The doors slid open.

He was about to head straight to his apartment. Only for his gaze, to trail on the wall right next to his apartment door. There were two men. One pushed against the wall and the other pinning him there. It would HAVE been one of those ruckus scenes if it were not for their lips bashed on each other.

Takano then did a double take.

It was Ritsu and Hoitsu!

Taking a deep breath.

"What in the HELL are you two doing?" Takano asked in a loud voice. Scaring the shit out of Ritsu. Who immediately pushed Hoitsu away with a strength that Takano never knew the brunette had. Ritsu then wiped his lips as Hoitsu grunted. Before glaring at Takano.

"I think you know what that was…" Hoitsu taunted.

"Well, obviously." Takano rolled his eyes. "What I'm asking is that why in the hell are you doing outside my apartment and kissing out in the open to top it all?"

"Your apartment?" the two synced.

…

…

…

"Excuse me… but I and Hoitsu had been living here since last year…" Ritsu said. They blinked dots.

"Why the hell do we have to run into you here?!" Hoitsu yelled.

"Oi, despite we're outside the office already. I'm still your superior." Takano said. Hoitsu sighed. The two nodded. Though Hoitsu still glared. Giving Takano a 'You walked in on us twice!' look.

"Well, I wouldn't have walked in on you twice if you weren't kissing right out in the open." Ritsu blushed and looked away. Hoitsu then glanced at Ritsu before sighing.

"You have a point." Hoitsu nodded. "Ritsu… could you go ahead inside? I need a word with Takano-san…" Takano blinked. Ritsu glanced at the two before nodding and going inside the next-door apartment. After hearing the door; click shut and soft padding of footsteps disappearing. Hoitsu looked at Takano. Takano stared back.

"What is it?" Takano asked.

"It's about what you saw earlier…" Hoitsu stated.

"If it's about: the scars. You know what? I won't tell, nor would I let it bother me. And it'll be like it never happened." Takano said knowing why the blonde wanted to pull on the conversation. Hoitsu nodded.

"Good…" he sighed. Though, something was telling Takano, that the conversation was not yet over. "Say… earlier…"

"Like I told you I won't say any—"

"No, it's not about the scars…" Hoitsu cut in. Takano raised a brow. "Earlier, before I went in the room. You were going to say something to Ritsu weren't you?" Hoitsu asked. More like stated. "What was it?" he asked. Takano shrugged.

"Maybe… maybe I did. Maybe I didn't… I forgot…" Takano said nonchalantly.

"_You wanted him to know you were Saga, didn't you?"_ the voice in his head retorted. Hoitsu nodded.

"Umm… Takano-san… by any chance… did you like books when you were in high school?" Hoitsu asked.

"_He's suspecting you, isn't he? Well, figures. He must've seen what you wanted to do earlier."_

"I always did… that's why I'm working as an editor now, aren't I?" Takano retorted. Hoitsu nodded.

"Well… I guess, I should go in now?" Hoitsu continued. Takano nodded. With that both of them entered their respective apartments.

Takano sighed after entering his apartment. Before sitting down on the ground, his back leaning on the door.

"Stupid…" he muttered. "Stupid! Stupid!" he hissed. Sighing he stood up. He didn't want to do anything else right now. But to get some sleep.

===XxXxX===

**(A/N: Yeah, yeah… dramatic, right? Did I over did it?XD**

**Oh, shit… my family's watching 'Walking Dead'! it just keeps distracting me! Gahhh! What do I do?! We've been watching it three days straight! From the first season! Uwahh… so traumatizing!XD**

**Anyways… how is this one? This is DarkAlchemistAssassin, at your service… Review? CHAO~!)**

**Fuck. I don't own SiH.**


	4. Chapter 3

**(Uwahh… just two reviews? Is it this bad? Please… I need your reviews for opinions and if there are any mistakes that I made… please point them out… I only have a pair of eyes you know… and my one eye is starting to blur… I can't find all the mistakes myself… so, please?)**

**|Chapter 3: Stay Away from Him, Please|**

**[Hoitsu's POV]**

I walked around our apartment. Only one question in mind.

'_Where's Ritsu?!'_ I knew that I practically skipped a day in work. But, that doesn't mean that he doesn't have to go home!

Well, I _do_ have my reasons…

But, I know I can't tell him… if I do… it'll only bring nothing, but no good.

"Ritsu?!" I called for the tenth time already. Still, no response. I then fished my phone out of my pocket and speed dialed Ritsu's number.

1 ring…

2…

3…

4…

5..

6…

***Click***

|"Hello…"|

"Ri—"

|"This is Onodera Ritsu, sorry but at the moment I can't pick up my phone… probably busy with work. Please leave a message after the beep."|

***BEEEEP***

Sighing, I grunted and shut my phone and tucked it in my pocket.

'_Ritsu… where are you?'_ I could feel my heart ram in my ribs. Sighing once more, I fished my phone out of my pocket and hurriedly typed on it. Before hitting the send button.

He didn't came home yesterday. Not the first time, actually. But he always come home early in the morning. Around 4 am. And now, it's already 6!

Grabbing my jacket, I kicked my feet into my shoes, before going the genkan. Strangely, yesterday I didn't hear any indications of Takano-san going home…

'_Don't tell me… he…'_ growling I speed off to the lift. Tapping my foot as I hastily waited. Then to the train station. And, at last, I arrived at the company!

Rushing to the lift I tortured the button of the elevator. Swearing it to hurry up. It was already eight-the train came late than usual-. True, I might be the earliest one to come except for the interns, general affairs, the President of the company, his assistant, and other editors. But I was probably the earliest one to come in to the Emerald team. Entering the editing department. I jogged down the familiar halls before arriving at the designated station.

I was about to yell when I heard a hushed conversation. I looked around slowing down.

I saw the lounge room figuring the voices to be there. I looked in. before quickly hiding myself. Ritsu was looking at Takano with a light red tint on his cheeks. And with a certain glint in his eyes.

_I don't like that look…_

_I don't like it the way he looks at him…_

"Hmm?" Takano then faced Ritsu who immediately looked away. Still blushing. Clutching the can. Which I think is a black coffee. "You haven't changed at all." Takano stated still staring at him.

"Uh… What do you mean?" Ritsu asked. Takano's eyes widened.

'_What? Don't tell me… I was right?'_ I could now feel my heart pound loudly.

"I guess you don't remember me." Takano replied.

"Oh, yeah. You mentioned that before. But I think you've got me confused for someone else." Ritsu said. "I'm sure this is the first time we've met." Putting out his cigarette. Takano was about to do something or more like push down Ritsu on the couch. I don't want to think I want to see this. But I think I know what he's going to do…

'_If my suspicion is correct… then he's planning to…'_ not able to keep myself contained I took a deep breath. And screamed.

"RITSU!" I sentd Takano-san a fast glare, I really hate him now. Before rushing to Ritsu's side. Examining him. Examining him, for any signs of doing it. I knew that ever since we went to England together. Ritsu had not only spent time with me. Be it man or woman. He started hitting on both. Even went out on dates. Even though, we were going out. Though he DID told me. That he would not always be faithful to me. Until, _that_ day came. Actually after his and that Saga's separation. He had never cut other part of his body other than his wrists. No arms. But ever since _that_ happened. He had started doing it by his gut. On his stomach.

'_And I only found out when it was too-late. And after I saw __**those scars**__…'_ the thought rushed quickly.

"Uhh… Hoitsu…?" he voiced. Getting me out of my trance. Whilst I was inspecting him.

"Ritsu, what happened? Why didn't you go back to the apartment yesterday? Where have you been? I was worried sick! You wouldn't answer you phone! You didn't mail me! where were you? What happened? Are you hurt?" I immediately asked.

"Oh, yeah… I'm sorry… but we had to tone and draft the manuscripts yesterday form the author's house to get it in before the deadline. Sorry I didn't mail you earlier…" he replied. I sighed in relief.

"Thank goodness…" before a thought nudged me. I knew I would be over exaggerating it. But I knew that no matter who he is with. That never stopped him from cutting himself. He hides it pretty well, after all. "You didn't try anything, did you?" I asked.

"N-No, I didn't." Ritsu answered awkwardly. But he _stuttered, why?_ _And _now has _that look_ on his face. "Besides I was working the whole night. I didn't have time to do any—" Ritsu tried to reason. But I was not having any of that.

"Bullshit." I growled, despite knowing it would too harsh. But I knew that I had to know. Knowing he was right handed. I slid his left sleeve up. Scanning over the scars. Looking for a very recent one.

_None_.

I sighed in relief. Ritsu seemed flustered all of a sudden. Though I'm not letting that bother me now.

"H-Hoitsu… d-don't… STOP!" he begged. But I didn't want to hear any excuse. True, I have no right to do this. But he should, no, he MUST stop this all at once!

"Wait, Hoitsu!"

I then slid his right sleeve up. Revealing three diagonal ones. Still fresh. Blood on its rims. I could feel my stomach and heart churn. Sighing once more. I rubbed his left scarred arm.

"J-Just don't forget to warn me next time you go off and stay at an author's place…" I said. Thinking much more clearly. "What's the reason for these three this time?" I asked softly. Ritsu laugh awkwardly but genuinely as if his situation was funny. Well, it was a _usual_.

_He always does that as a sign that he is now okay and is over what he went through earlier._

"Well…" he struggled for words to answer.

"Is it about _him_?" I asked interrupting him. Ritsu laughed again.

"Sorry… while I was pasting on the tones. I accidentally read some of the lines… I guess that got me a flashback of _Saga-senpai_ and I eventually lost it… well at least no one noticed I carried my X-Acto knife." He laughed again. I smiled and nodded. Good thing it was about Saga and not _that_ _man_.

Then before I could speak. Ritsu was starring up ahead. With that, I followed his gaze. And saw Takano-san.

Staring at Ritsu's arms. His eyes wide.

'_Shit! I forgot he was here!'_ I mentally cursed myself. Soon enough his gaze met ours. He then cleared his throat

"I'm sorry… I didn't mean to see that…" he said softly, probably knowing that it was a sensitive topic. Before turning around. As if, he hadn't seen anything. And left the office.

I then looked at Ritsu.

My eyes widened. I could feel my heart ache.

_It's __that__**look**_.

He had tears in his eyes.

And for once. His emerald orbs weren't dull, and lifeless.

_Anguish…_

_Anxiety_

_Pain…_

_Fear…_

True, it wasn't the fear when you are scared from ghosts. Or things like that. It was fear… fear of rejection.

He hadn't had that look since… since…

_13 years ago_… when he first met his first love who crushed him so cruelly.

_Saga Masamune_.

The look of _longing_ of _wanting to be loved back_…

Shit, he probably fell for Takano-san. Probably a good way to move on from Saga… though I hate the man. But, if Ritsu likes him. I'm willing to give up… anything for Ritsu…

But knowing Ritsu… he's probably thinking that Takano-san despise him now…

Because of his _scars_.

**[Ritsu's POV] **

'_Ugh… who knew that the sun's light could be this destructive?'_

"We're done. I'm glad we got it in, in the end." I said as Takano-san sat next to me.

"And I'm glad that you were there." He suddenly said.

"_What?"_

"She's not usually one of the hysterical ones… but this time she was having a real hard time getting it out." Takano said, pausing for a bit. "I think you gave her back some of her confidence." he continued.

"Oh, no… I'm really sorry I did that." I said, realizing my mistake from earlier. "I wish I had more tact… but that's just me. When something's important, I blurt out exactly what I feel." I added.

"Indeed." Takano then handed me a canned black coffee.

'_What is this feeling?'_

_Badump!_

_Badump!_

_Badump!_

'_I know this feeling… but it's been so long since I felt it… why do I feel nostalgic?_

Takano-san then handed me a canned coffee.

"For you… good work…" he said smiling.

_Badump!_

_Badump!_

_Badump!_

"T-Thank you…" I then accepted it bowing a bit. Takano-san then opened his drink and took a sip.

'_I guess he does smile… well, of course he does!'_

'_Okay…. So why am I getting so nervous?' _

"It's good to be direct. I think it's a huge compliment to say that her comic is fun to read." Takano then lighted a cigarette.

'_W-What? H-how can he easily say that?!'_

_Badump!_

_Badump!_

_Badump!_

"I-I guess that's fine then…" _'I might have to rethink of my impression of this guy…' _Takano-san took a drag and exhaled it. _'He's able to bring out the author's full potential, and make a good work out of them…and those books sell._' I don't really know why but I couldn't help it and watch him form the corner of my eye. Takano-san then took a long drag. _'The dreams that I dreamed of doing… his making them a reality…'_ before I knew it. I was actually staring at him.

"Hmm?" Takano then faced my direction. Probably sensing my gaze on him.

'_But am I an idiot or something?! Why am I getting so nervous all of a sudden?! And he's a guy for chrissake! He might even be straight for Pete's sake!'_

"You haven't changed at all." Takano-san suddenly voiced out. Making me confused.

"Uh… What do you mean?" I asked. Was it just me or did his eyes widened?

"I guess you don't remember me." He said sighing, no, there's a hint of depression in his voice.

"Oh, yeah. You mentioned that before. But I think you've got me confused for someone else." I said. "I'm sure this is the first time we've met." _'_

'_Yes, and I'm not lying at all…'_ Putting out his cigarette. Takano-san was about to say something probably when…

"RITSU!" Hoitsu went inside the office. Getting both our attentions. Glaring at Takano-san

'_Why is he so mad of Takano-san? Is he __**that**__** jealous for **__**that**__** kiss**__?'_ he then rushed to me. Examining me like he always do. I always knew he would do this… but isn't he over reacting this time? I knew the reason why he's doing this… he then seemed to be deep in thought. Even silently growling. I knew then that he was probably thinking of the past. Time to snap him out of it.

"Uhh… Hoitsu…?"

"Ritsu, what happened? Why didn't you go back to the apartment yesterday? Where have you been? I was worried sick! You wouldn't answer you phone! You didn't mail me! where were you? What happened? Are you hurt?" Hoitsu asked questions after questions. I hope he would stop asking that much all at once. He knows how I hate it that much…

'_It's annoying… it's irritating me…_

_Because it reminds me of the time when I first went with Saga-senpai to that fast food shop…'_ shoving the thoughts back into the back of my head.

"Oh, yeah… I'm sorry… but we had to tone and draft the manuscripts yesterday form the author's house to get it in before the deadline. Sorry I didn't mail you earlier…" I explained. Hoitsu sighed.

"Thank goodness.." he muttered with a sigh of relief. "You didn't try anything, did you?" Hoitsu suddenly asked concern but seriousness lacing his whole tone.

'_Shit… not now… not in front of Takano-san!'_

'_Why am I that nervous around him?'_

"N-No, I didn't." I answered.

'_Why am I stuttering? I usually don't in front of Hoitsu…' _"Besides I was working the whole night. I didn't have time to do any—" I added.

"Bullshit." He bombed. Then slid my left sleeve up. Revealing the scars, I have hidden since ten years ago. I had actually gotten over my and Saga-senpai's separation like two or three years after that, but for some reason, I just couldn't stop my hand whenever I felt a sharp sting in my chest to slit my wrists or arms.

'_Shit! Shit! Shit!'_

Not now! Takano-san is watching! Hoitsu! I yelled at him and tried to stop him. But…

Eventually, Hoitsu rolled the other sleeve.

"Wait, Hotisu!" I yelled. Shit… I just made new ones… he became silent as he took in the new cuts.

Hoitsu just sighed. Before rubbing my left scarred arm. For some reason he always does that to the arm where there are no new scars. A habit he got when we started going out.

"J-Just don't forget to warn me next time you go off and stay at an author's place…" Hoitsu said sighing. "What's the reason for these three this time?" he asked softly. I laughed. It was funny really… seeing it has already been _ten fucking years_… I still long for him. Wanting to see him. One time, I even went to the library of our school, hoping he would be there waiting for me at his sitting spot and staring at my hiding spot as if he knew I was coming. In addition, approach me. Moreover, apologize then everything would be back to my fantasy… but… he was NOT there… and when was that again? Six years ago?

"Well…"

"Is it about _him_?" Hoitsu asked. I laughed again.

'_Dead on, Hoitsu… dead on…'_

"Sorry… while I was pasting on the tones. I accidentally read some of the lines… I guess that got me a flashback of _Saga-senpai_ and I eventually lost it… well at least no one noticed I carried my X-Acto knife." Actually I found that really funny… I mean the lines were nowhere near, what I have said before! It was probably the air, that was around it…

I then looked up.

_Fuck…_

'_Takano-san saw it…'_

He was looking at my scarred arms intently… eyes wide…

_Sorrow…_

_Pain…_

_And…_

_**Guilt**__?_

'_Why guilt?'_

Takano-san probably saw me watching and then cleared his throat.

"I'm sorry… I didn't mean to see that…"he said softly. Shadowing his eyes. Before, leaving the office.

'_Shit… I want to go to him._

_I want to tell him that I didn't do these…_

_I want to know him better… and in return to me too.._

_I want him to accept me…_

_I want him…_

_To_

_T-to…_

_**Love**__ me…_

_Why?'_

I heard Hoitsu sigh and mutter an apology. I just nodded.

"_Forget it, Ritsu… no one's going to love you with those scars… Hoitsu might already have been sick of you to begin with… and is just pretending to keep his promise…"_ the voice in my head said. As much as I did NOT want to believe it. I could not help it… but agree with it.

Soon enough the other's arrived and we did our daily work. After we were allowed to go home, I and Hoitsu went our usual ways on going home. On the way. I could tell that he was deep in thought. Though he had this look in his eyes that _something_, more like, _someone _was just stolen from him. Just as the elevator dinged and opened. Before I could even go out of the lift, he grabbed my left wrist and pulled me down the hall.

"Hoi—" I tried to speak. But, he then pushed me to the wall. I was about to ask, when he suddenly bashed his lips against mine. When he kissed me. I didn't feel the same spark like I did back then. It was empty. But, I could tell he was desperate. Mentally sighing. The least I could do now is go along with him. I heard the elevator ding and open. I don't care who arrived. Or who sees us…

"What in the HELL are you two doing?" Takano-san's voice suddenly asked. I looked at the side. There he was staring at us in distaste.

'_No way…'_

'_FUCK! WHAT IS HE DOING HERE?!' _I didn't know what got onto me but I pushed Hoitsu away. So, suddenly that it took him off guard making him bump on the wall behind him.

"I think you know what that was…" Hoitsu taunted.

"Well, obviously." Takano-san rolled his eyes. "What I'm asking is that why in the hell are you doing outside my apartment and kissing out in the open to top it all?" he asked. Annoyance clearly in his tone. Though I'm kinda glad that he didn't bring up anything about the _scars_.

"Your apartment?" I and Hoitsu synced. Truthfully, I was confused…

…

…

…

"Excuse me… but I and Hoitsu had been living here since last year…" I said as if it'll explain everything.

"Why the hell do we have to run into you here?!" Hoitsu yelled suddenly. Though, good thing I'm used to it. It used to scare the shit out of me back then.

"Oi, despite we're outside the office already. I'm still your superior." Takano said. Hoitsu sighed. We nodded. However, Hoitsu still glared. Giving Takano-san a 'You walked in on us twice!' look.

"Well, I wouldn't have walked in on you twice if you weren't kissing right out in the open."

'_That IS true…'_

"You have a point." Hoitsu nodded. "Ritsu… could you go ahead inside? I need a word with Takano-san…" Takano blinked. I glanced at them both. I knew why Hoitsu wants to speak with him. Concerning me. Sighing I nodded and went inside. I knew that Hoitsu wouldn't talk unless he makes sure that I'm nowhere near them. So, I went in ahead. And took a bath. Removing my clothes. I put it down on the floor. Soon enough I entered the tub and turned on the shower.

As soon as the water hit my body. I numbed it. It was cold. But not that I don't mind. I sat down on the tiled tub. Making the water work its way around me. I then closed my eyes.

'_Why was it again?'_

'_Why did I feel for senpai again?'_ I furrowed my brows as I tried to remember. I couldn't. All I could remember was when I bumped into him after losing my balance. And when I felt that spark. And when I stalked him. Our second encounter over a book and me confessing to him.

'_Why did I fell for him at love at first sight?'_ I knew that it was now useless to think of it now. After ten years, that is. Sensing that I was getting used to the water's temperature. I hurriedly coated myself with soap. Before rinsing it off. And exiting the tub. I then dried myself before wrapping a towel around my waist. And went out of the bathroom to the bedroom.

My thoughts…

My mind…

They were filled with Takano-san all over…

I can't stop thinking of him.

_Badump_

_Badump_

_Badump_

'_I wonder why…_

_Why can't I stop thinking of those amber-gold eyes?'_ I then absent-mindedly slid on a new pair of boxers, a beige long-sleeved sweatshirt, and a pair of black cotton pajamas. I then sat on the edge of the bed. Sighing. I really need to straighten my thoughts. It's all muffled up. Messed up. I could only think of those eyes…

For some reason, when he saw the scars… they were also filled with horror…

'_Why?'_

'_Why can't I stop thinking of him?'_ I sighed once more. Hearing the door open and shut close. I knew the _talk_ was over. Hoitsu soon then wrapped his arms around my waist, his head on my lap. He always does. But, why doesn't my heart beat for him? I already have him… but why can't I just move on? No, I know I'm probably taking on a liking to Takano-san… but… I know… I just can't… Hoitsu sighed.

"Ritsu?" I hummed in response. "Remember when I said that if you find the one, I'll give up?" he asked. Before looking at me. His eyes were soft. Like how he always approach me. I nodded.

'_I know he loves me… but, I don't love him… I knew that since he confessed. I don't want to keep him stringed along. But I doubt if I would be alive even now… no, he probably would've still forced himself on me.'_

'_There's no doubt… I don't love him…'_

Taking a deep breathe. He released it. As if nervous. He then rubbed my left arm. Another habit he got when talking to me. Probably a gesture of comfort? I would never know.

"Ritsu, if you find the one… just say it… I'll… I'll let you go…" I blinked.

'_So, he was really serious…'_ but despite what he said, I took note of those nervous eyes of his darting around the room. He's serious. But I know he doesn't want to do it. But he knows he have to.

That is why I'm grateful to have him close to me. But I only see him as a friend. And that is it… he's always considerate even.

"So, if you did… just, just tell me… but if anything happens… keep in touch, okay?" he now laced his voice with concern.

Whether he's telling the truth or not. Or faking it or not. I don't know… he's always good at these kind of things. Hell, he could've been a great actor if it wasn't for me dragging him down.

Actually…

He _wanted_ to be an actor…

But for my sake…

_He gave that up_…

And just for me…

I know that he already assured me to not to worry about it. But I can't help but feel guilty for taking his dreams away from him. And if I do that. He'll say that it is part of his _responsibility_ because his family is indebted to my family. He always use that reason. And it got old too fast. It doesn't mean that it's your responsibility, it doesn't mean you have to do it. Your family decided that on their own. We never forced you to do that. No one likes to just put a collar around someone and treat them like slaves. Stringing them along. Despite I knew that it was a lie. I knew that he is doing it on his own will. Because sometimes, to complete your responsibility. It is sometimes against your will to do so. also, I'm indebted to him, too. I owe him my life. Though I just wanted to die right there and then. But I guess he snapped me back to reality, huh?

Knowing I should answer. I nodded. He then, finally, looked at me. With those gentle eyes. But mine, remained cold and emotionless as ever. It never felt right to stare at him. It just doesn't. Never once, did he showed me pity. But, he showed me the will and motivation to live. He showed me reasons to smile and laugh. But, only that last part never worked. I had been faking it. Despite he knew this. He still kept going. He smiled.

"Ritsu…" he swallowed. As if, he's going to ask a life changing question. "Do-Do you like… Takano-san?" he asked. I knew Hoitsu hated Takano-san because of the kiss and because he's an ass and a tyrant boss-though all boos must have that feature or else, no success will be achieved- and just because Takano-san is _almost _like him. But he can be _very_ considerate when needed and necessary.

Well… maybe, _too_ considerate.

Despite, I know I'm taking a liking to Takano-san. I don't know… I don't really trust myself that much. As much as I don't easily trust others… I do trust Hoitsu though. He knows my everything. Well, maybe… also, too much on that side. I'm still… _not sure_... but nonetheless. I have to answer him.

"Who knows…" I shrugged. "Maybe yes… maybe it's just admiration… sorry, I can't answer that now. I forgot how it is to like someone other than non-living things…" I told him. He smiled and nodded. Other than when I lie about the cutting. He always lets me slip. He has his collar around me. It's not too tight. Nor too loose. But… it's loose enough to give me my own freedom. That's who Hoitsu is.

"Ritsu?" he voiced out once more. I hummed in response. "I need you to do me a favor…" he added.

He rarely asks me for any favors.

"While you're still unsure of your feelings. Please…" he continued in a pleading tone. "Stay away from him, Please." My eyes widened.

This wasn't like Hoitsu to ask something like this.

'_Stay away from Takano-san?_

_Why?'_

"Please…" he repeated in a much more desperate tone as he clung to me.

===XxXxX===

**(A/N: Done!**

**So, how's this one?**

**Yeah, Ritsu's honest to his feelings… this really strays off the path doesn't it? And to top it all. Some of them are OOC. But… please bear with it for a while^^**

**Stay tuned!**

**This is DarkAlchemistAssassin, at your service. Review? CHAO~!)**


	5. Chapter 4

**|Chapter 4: Sleepless night; 'Why?'|**

**[Ritsu's POV] **

'_Stay away from Takano-san?'_

'_Why?!'_

I sighed as I stared at the dim ceiling. I and Hoitsu now were on the single bed.

'_Him snuggled to me._ _Sleeping… well he is sound asleep. But, I'm stuck with my thoughts._

_I just don't get it… he knows I l-like Takano-san… so why do I have to stay away from him?!_

_I know, I'm being… uh… selfish, though that was one selfish favor Hotisu made… but it isn't Hoitsu's decision for what I'm going to do!_

_I mean, yeah sure I owe him my life… but still!_

_Asking me… begging me, to stay away from Takano-san is absurd! Is it because he saw my scars that Hoitsu wants me to stay away from him?_

_Is it because their conversation earlier?_

_I seriously and honestly don't know. Hell, I don't even know what he's thinking!_

_I mean… seriously?! How can I be sure of my feelings for Takano-san if he wants me to stay away from him?!_

_For Pete's sake! I'm not a kid anymore!'_ sighing loudly. I furrowed my brows.

'_I just seriously…_

_Don't get it…_

_Asking me to stay away from Takano-san for no reason…_

_Why?'_

**[Hoitsu's POV]**

I couldn't sleep. How can I?! After asking Ritsu such impossible favor?! No way… though I knew he would be awake debating with himself. So the least I could do is wrap my hands around him and pretend to be asleep.

'_Why am I that irritated thinking of Takano-san?_

_Sure, the man's a tyrant boss…_

_Even went as far as to throw a metal ruler on Ritsu… but, Ritsu was completely new to manga! Shoujo manga to top it off! Takano-san could've just yelled!_

_I know I'm overreacting… but…_

_There's __**something**__ with Takano-san… I can feel it… sense it…_

_And I know that it's not good._

_I know that the favor I asked for was near impossible for Ritsu to achieve himself._

_I know that I should stop keeping him to myself…_

_But, is that why I really want him to stay away from Takano-san?_

_Because of __**that**____**look**__ I saw when he looked at Takano-san?_

_When his eyes showed __**love**__ after ten years long?_

_For him it may be just like… but his eyes are stating that it's something stronger…_

_And even if I'm to tell him._

_He'll just brush it off as an admiration stating that Takano-san is doing what he dreams of doing…_

_Well, that IS true… Takano-san is a good man at his work… well, he IS the Editor-in-Chief, despite Kisa-san being older despite his looks._

_Even if Takano-san were to make mistakes he can easily cover it up and can bring out the authors' potentials… which is admirable…_

_But there is really something about him that I don't like… well, not his attitude… being stoic is better than being too nice…_

_But something just keep bothering me about him…_

_But I can't pin point it…_

_As if he's the man who'll ste—'_

My thoughts halted as I felt Ritsu heave a deep sigh. I could feel my heart churn at that. I knew it was my fault… and it's because of me favor nonetheless.

Feeling his breathing labored. I knew then that he was asleep. I slowly opened my eyes and looked at his irritated face.

He didn't like it alright.

'_Fact: I shouldn't say __**steal**__ Ritsu was never mine, after all…_

_Fact: Ritsu agreed to go out with me, but with a condition…_

_Fact: I agreed to it, and made a promise…_

_Fact: Takano-san's probably a better man than I am. And knowing that he was the one to bring Emerald out of the dumps. He's a formable match for Ritsu. A great partner perhaps… despite he looks like a fucking player._

_But one must not judge a person by their cover, right?_

_Fact: Takano-san's a better partner because he can keep a steady job… and I can tell that…_

_Fact: Ritsu's parents already agreed with Ritsu's choice of gender._

_I told them when Ritsu first… attempted to kill himself._

_Even went as far to say that they'll even marry him to one if he finds the one in the same gender… as long as he stops cutting himself. Or lessens his daily cuttings…_

_Yes… he does it __**DAILY**__._

_Though his cutting right now are for killing the pain in his heart by fighting it physically._

_Well, that's what Ritsu explained to me. When he cuts himself… it lightens the pain he feels in his heart. And knowing that if I stop him. Might lead him to actually; __**kill**__ himself._

_Which is what __**she**__ said…_

_I don't really know if that's true or what… but knowing that Ritsu's not lying…_

_I can do nothing to stop him._

_But what if he goes out with Takano-san and move on?_

_Hell… I don't even know if Takano-san likes Rit—_

_Wait… now that I think of it…_

_I think Takano-san does…_

_But if so…_

_Why can't I seem to just let him go?_

_I know I love him._

_But, I'm not some kid who doesn't want to let go of his favorite toy… I'm not that childish… I'm mature now… and if I love someone and not let him go knowing that he loves someone else… then that's just plain stupid…_

_I know I WILL let him go…_

_That was my promise… and I'm NOT going to break it…_

_Then…_

_Why?_

_Why?_

_When he went out with other guys/women back then… it was fine by me…_

_Is it because he was never serious with them?_

_And that now… he actually has find someone else?_

_Is it because his feelings now are more serious?_

_Why?_

_I know I have to let him go…_

_It was my promise to both Mr. and Mrs. Onodera… and Ritsu… and __**her**__…_

_But why do I have this feeling that I don't want him anywhere near Takano-san?_

_Why?'_

**[Masamune's POV]**

'_Why?_

_I don't get it…_

_Why would __**he**__ go far as to cut himself?_

_Why?_

_I love him…_

_I told him that…_

_Yet why did he went too far to actually try and kill himself?_

_Oh, Ritsu…_

_Why didn't he just let it go? And move on?_

_I know I don't like the sound of that…_

_But I'd rather have him move on than cutting himself because of…_

_**ME**__.'_

Stirring on my side. I stared at the empty side of my single bed. Where Ritsu used to lay down… after we did _**it**_…

I sighed. I couldn't fathom it…

Just why?

'_Why?_

_Why are you cutting yourself?_

_Why are you going out with someone you don't even love?_

_Why can't you remember me?_

_Why are you __**still**__ hurting yourself?_

_Why don't you know what love means anymore?_

_You're the one who showed it to me…_

_Why?_

_Why did you do that to yourself?_

_Why?'_

So many questions… I want answers… but I'm also afraid of them. I'm frightened to know them…

'_If only I knew… I would've—'_

I would've… what?

What exactly would I do?

"_Say… Masamune… what if a friend of yours has a boyfriend before and is now falling apart because he found out that his boyfriend was just playing with him? What would you do?"_ a female voice echoed in my mind. I shook my head.

'_Enough, Masamune… __**she's**__ dead…'_

"_I would comfort that friend and make him stop." _ I heard myself.

"_I see…"_ came **her** reply. I knew why I'm remembering this… but…

Hell! I didn't even know his real name for Pete's sake!

If only I could turn back time… I WOULD! Then a flashback hit me. My friend in college, whose face I no longer remember. But I know she has a very light blonde mid-length hair almost making it white. Her boyish clothing. Both of us sat in a café.

"_Aahhah…! If only I could turn back time! I would snap that man's neck!" _she yelled. Now, I know she was speaking of her friend. Or someone she knows

"_You would've if that was possible… who is this __**friend**__anyways?" _ I heard myself answer her.

Now… that backfired on me… she looked at me… despite her face was blurred out. She had been smiling but suddenly her smile dropped. Despite I couldn't remember I could still feel that cold gaze she gave me.

"_No… nothing… forget I even said that…"_ she said harshly. I could still practically remember the venom in her voice. Never once she'd spoken like that… well to me. But that caught me off guard. After that statement. She left. That was the last I had heard of her. And after two weeks. She was reported **dead** by the reporter found by a jogger's dog. She was told to have ingested herself with poison. Thus, making the case a suicide. Though no suicide note nor will was found. No one knew why she decided to kill herself-that is _if_ it was actually a suicide-. Not even me.

I shook my head.

Why was I even bothering to remember that?! I need and MUST find a way to get to Ritsu and make him stop doing this!

Then it hit me.

_What if the friend __**she**__ was talking about was __**Ritsu**__?_

_Could it be __**she**__ was the key all along on finding him?_

_No way… it might be a coincidence… right…_

_She didn't even say what her friend's gender was… and even if her friend was a __**he**__ there were still some chances that she was talking about someone else, right?_

_I mean, knowing her she wouldn't get along with a guy like Ritsu back then—_

_**No**__… wait…'_

_**Flashback**_

_I and her were sitting at the same café. Only, it was on a different day, probably a week before her death. She was chewing on her chocolate-biscuit stick. Nibbling it._

"_Ne, Masamune… is it bad to have a friend who used to be so __**timid**__ and __**naïve**__ and __**now**__ is __**cutting **__**himself**__?" she asked me. Caught off guard by the question. I didn't know how to answer her._

"_Uh… well… depends… it depends on how you become friends with him… why?" I answered with a question. Despite I couldn't remember what she looks like. I knew she had this __**look**__ that she wants answers. And is downcast._

"_Well… you see… I have a friend. He got dumped… and is cutting himself. He used to be SO naïve and cute back then… he is cute… but now, he's like a shell with no soul, you know?" she replied. Having this hopeful look, probably wanting me to counter it. But hearing this news. It sounded so familiar to me. And it was the first time I had heard this from her. She sighed. "Masamune, I'm going to England…" she said suddenly. I blinked._

"_What?" she looked at me._

"_I'm going to England."_

"_But, what about University?" I asked. She was already studying 4 years on her course. And if she would go to England, she'll start on the fourth year from the scratch._

"_Don't worry… I just __**have**__ to go." She smiled. "Thanks…" I raised a brow._

"_For what?"_

"_For being there… I really needed your answer on that one…" with that she left._

_**End of Flashback**_

Grunting. I forcefully bashed my head on the pillow.

Now that I thought of it. There was actually 75% probability that that **friend** she was talking about was Ritsu!

She was a type to get along with any kind of person. Well except for those backstabbing bitches.**(Sorry if I offend anyone:()**

But she was still the kind of friend you can rely on. Her death was like a huge shove of a shovel to both my and Yokozawa's faces. The police said that she committed a suicide. And now that I remember what she told me… the possibility of her committing a suicide was much more lessening. But the probability of the person of killing her wasn't much. Grunting once again I furiously scratched my head.

'_Enough, Masamune… let her rest in peace… for now… your main priority is…_

_Ritsu…'_ sighing I rolled on my side, staring at the wall that separated me and '_my _' Ritsu.

You got that right. He's _**mine**_. And I'm not planning to share.

But it's still bothering me…

'_Why?'_

'_Why do I still love him… even all this years?'_

'_Why does he have to cut himself?'_

===XxXxX===

**(A/N: I know it's shorter than my other chaps… but it has to end here! I'm sorry! O.O**

**I just said the title!XDDD**

**Anyways… this **_**might**_** only feature Nostalgia pair only… depends… but no doubt that Trifecta is here… but it's still Nostalgia-centric… I know that Hoitsu sounded like a self-centered bastard on the previous chap… but he actually plays a big role on this fic… so please don't hate him. He had been lonely on the back of my head and was begging me to put him in this story… so I did… he's also desperate for love… so please forgive him… anyway… how's this one? This is DarkAlchemistAssassin, at your service. Review? CHAO~!)**


	6. Chapter 5

**|Chapter 5: Sleepless night; Touch|**

**[Masamune's POV] **

I opened my eyes greeted by a blinding light I squeezed them shut. Before blinking the sleep away. Seeing my vision returning. I sat up groaning.

Fuck… my head hurts…

***Bzzzzttt**Bzzzzttt**Bzzzzttt***

I looked up to my phone on the bedside table before picking it up. Without even bothering as much as to look at the caller.

"Hello?" I answered groggily.

"Takano~!" my eyes shot up.

"Isaka-san?!" I stood up before looking at the digital clock on the table.

_10:45AM_

'_Shit! I overslept!'_

"I'm sorry… I know I'm late but…" a laugh cut me off.

"Don't worry! That's not why I called! Actually… Takano… I need you to pass this on one of your co-workers…" Isaka-san cut me off. I blinked.

"What is it?"

**[Third Person's POV(More on Takano's side, but **_**not**_**all****)]**

Hoitsu was having an uneasy feeling come up to him. He fidget and twitched. Ritsu took note.

"Hoitsu, you okay?" Ritsu asked from his seat. Hoitsu jolted. And laughed awkwardly.

"Hahahahaha, yeah… don't mind me… ahahahah…" came a funny reply. Kisa raised a brow while Ritsu narrowed his gaze at the blonde. Hoitsu then shoved them off. And sighed. But that didn't kept him from quavering a bit.

'_Why am I so damned nervous today?'_ he cursed himself. Hatori then took note. Knowing that Takano-san IS late. Being the kind-hearted, composed and second managing editor he is. Perked up.

"You sure you're not running a fever?" Hatori asked furrowing his brows. Hoitsu gave another awkward laugh. Ritsu only narrowed his gaze and raised a suspicious brow even more. Hatori took note of it though. But did not put a word on it. Soon, enough, who is TWO HOURS late. The Head-Editor, Takano Masamune entered the office.

"Oi, Oda! Isaka-san wants you to be in his meeting today, pronto!" Takano boomed as soon as he caught sight of the blonde. Hoitsu jolted in his seat. Before turning to look at the Editor-in-Chief.

"W-What?" he stuttered. Takano glared.

"I said that Isaka-san wants you to come in his meeting today!" Takano yelled at the blonde. Hoitsu immediately stood up.

"Yes, sir!" Hoitsu then hurriedly gathered his things.

"The third room in the Conference floor." Takano added. Hoitsu nodded. "1st floor..."

"I know!" Hoitsu then was about to rush out of the office. But stopped on his tracks. "Thank you for informing me..." then took off.

"That's weird..." Kisa blinked. Ritsu sighed. Then with that, they all started to do their work. After a while;

"TAKANO!" they all but the Editor-in-Chief jumped at the sudden booming voice that soared through the room.

"What?"

"How dare you sell this kind of material to us!"

"What are you talking about?!" Takano demanded.

"The sales! The sales!" the man exclaimed. "They ran out in the stores almost immediately!" Ritsu raised a brow as the two continued bickering. And asked the person closest to him, which happened to be; Mino.

"Um, did something happened?" he asked. Mino then bent down. Smiling creepily.

"Hmm...? Oh, it's the published sales of an author's work. Takano-san really fought hard to raise the number in the printers. But they didn't accept it and insisted to lower the copies. But in the end it ended up too short." the man explained leisurely.

"And that man is?" Ritsu asked not noticing that it caught the two bickering men's attention.

"Hmm? Oh, he's the Legendary; Wild-Bear of Marukawa Shōten's—" the man approached them.

"Yokozawa." Ritsu jolted a bit in his seat as he was suddenly were right behind them-though more like they just didn't notice him-

"Oh, did you hear us?" Mino asked carefreely. The man, Yokozawa then ignored the creepy blonde and transferred his attention to the brunette.

"I don't see you from here." Yokozawa then observed the brunette. Ritsu then stood up and bowed.

"I just started working here for a month. Onodera Ritsu... thank you for always taking care of us..." Ritsu introduced.

"Oh, yeah... they did mention that someone like you joined." Ritsu blinked. "The kid who had ridden his parent's coattails..." Yokozawa glared as Ritsu stiffened a bit. While his other co-workers mentally reacted;

_"You didn't have to wound him that early!"_

"Anyway, don't make another mistake like this again." Yokozawa huffed as he exited the office.

"Tell that to your boss!" Takano immediately complained. Ritsu then had a mental debate with himself. Takano sighed. "Onodera, dont mind what he said." Ritsu then looked up. "So, what if you got hooked to your parent's coattails? Many people would die to be in your position..." Takano said. Ritsu blinked.

"Yes, even I would love that..." Kisa added.

"True, you should just take that as a stepping stone for the future obstacle steps ahead..." Hatori followed. Mino nodded.

"It's not that bad..." Mino agreed. Ritsu smiled a bit.

"Thank yo-"

"BUT IF YOU FAIL, YOUR NOTHING WORTH BUT A TRASH..." the four synced.

_"You didn't have to pour salt over the wound!"_ the other co-workers mentally added again. Pitying the green-eyed newbie. Ritsu sighed. Feeling his brow and eye twitched he sat back down on his seat. Before doing his work. Until Kisa asked him a request to drop some papers at the front desk.

"So, I just have to put it there, right?" Ritsu asked making sure if he got the information right. Kisa nodded cheerfully. Ritsu then made his way to the lift. When the lift opened he pressed the button to the designated floor. As the doors slid close a hand stopped it in time.

"Wait! I'm getting on!" hailed a familiar voice.

_"Please stay away from him" _Hoitsu's voice echoed in Ritsu's mind. Knowing the timing.

"Ah! I forgot something!" Ritsu exclaimed before exiting the lift.

"OI!" he heard Takano call him but it was too late as the lift already slid shut. He sighed.

_'Was I too obvious?'_ he thought before going back to the department.

"You're fast..." Kisa commented.

"Ah, no... I just forgot something..." Ritsu laughed. Before his eyes fell on the calendar. He blinked. _'Now that you mention it... it's past five days for Mutou-sensei's manuscripts... has she finished it?'_ he thought to himself. Then he turned to the most reliable person. "Umm... Hatori-san, is Mutou-sensei a fast drawer?"

"Hmm? Why do you ask?" Hatori sounded confused despite his seemingly perfect poker face.

"Ahh, no... just asking, she's already five days late with her storyboards... I'm just asking you because you were her editor." Hatori just nodded.

"I see... well, her drawing speed is fine... but if she has a writer's block, then there's no way she can continue with it on the way..." he added. Ritsu nodded. Before lifting the phone's receiver and dialed the number. After a few rings the line picked up.

"Yes?" came a very feminine voice.

"Ah, Is this Mutou-sensei? I'm Onodera Ritsu of Marukawa Shōten's Shoujo Manga Emerald Editing Department, thank you for working with us... I was just wondering if you have finished the manuscripts?" Ritsu politely answered.

"I'm very sorry... I'll have it finished shortly..." came a hurried reply.

"Ah... if that's the case... you please stop following me?" Ritsu taunted.

"What can a man not go home?" Takano shot back. Making Ritsu obviously think.

_'Gah! I forgot that we were neighbors.!'_ both piped down for a while.

"So, how's it going with the manuscripts?" Deciding to break the awkward silence. Takano suddenly asked. Ritsu flinched at the sound of his voice.

_'Why does hearing his voice makes me go all __**doki-doki**__?!'_

"H-Huh?" Ritsu stuttered.

"I'm talking about Mutou-sensei..." Takano added.

"O-Oh... everything's going just fine... why do you ask?" Ritsu replied.

_'Why can't you be nice with me, like to the others?! Is it because I saw your scars that you hate me now?!'_ Takano felt his brow and eye twitch in annoyance. It was crystal clear that Ritsu wanted to avoid him as possible. But the reason to it. He didn't know. Also, it would be no way in hell that Ritsu already knows that he WAS Saga, right? Though he did know that he IS the cause of those scars... but he didn't want nor to be intent on seeing it. If anyones' to blame. It's that blonde who rolled his sleeves up! Speaking of the blonde. The blonde-guy never returned to the office at all. He better have an explanation for this. But what irked him to his edge was the question Hoitsu asked that he had just remembered.

"_What's the reason for these three this time?" _ he could still hear it. Like, it was yesterday-though it was two days ago-. And when Takano had analyze it. It clicked in his mind.

_He's __**not**__ the __only__**reason**__why__ Ritsu, __**he's**__ Ritsu, __is__**cutting **__himself._

Before he even realized it. He had been starring at Ritsu far too long. Making the brunette glare at him, deadly but in a cute way.

_'If you have something to say, just spit it out!'_ that's probably, no, that IS what Ritsu's thinking of right now. Despite that almost anyone could read Ritsu like an open book. It's truly a miracle to know that Ritsu can't read others, though sometimes can when they make it obvious enough. Deciding to break the ice of the younger man's pondering. He might as well answer the unsaid question in the brunette's mind. So, he honestly asked.

"Why are you trying so hard to avoid me?" Ritsu flinched right there and then. _'Did Oda-your current boyfriend- tell you that?'_ he added mentally. He didn't want to hurt the brunette more than that though. So, he kept the last thoughts to himself. Though he did have a feeling that Oda knows who Saga is and is suspecting him that he and Saga are one person. Though it IS true. He then watched observantly as Ritsu hurriedly and rammed his brain for a retort-excuse-. Just as he was about to voice it out. He instead gave out a startled yelp as the train made a rough, sharp turn. Making him lean on Takano.

_Badump! _

_Badump!_

_Badump!_

Just holding him so close. Takano could feel his heart run a hundre-no, a thousand miles per second. Ritsu felt his eyes widened. Though Takano couldn't see it.

_'He's body temperature...'_ Ritsu couldn't help but think. The intercom then informed them on being alert and to brace themselves for a sharp turn. Many people then complaiend about telling it before the actualy turn.

"Are you okay?" it took Takano everything to not to stutter. Though it didn't help the heat slowly creeping up to his cheeks that he could feel butterflies flutter in his stomach. It was as if he was in love again and is seventeen. no, he IS _in love_. And with the same person as he did before.

His First Love... No, his First **True** _Love_.

Regaining his senses. Ritsu hurriedly pushed him away. And looked away. Though he did took note that Takano is currently watching him. Though what he didn't see was the slight blush on the man's face and the passionate love in the man's eyes. That shattered his perfect poker face.

_'He's watching me...'_

**(A/N: We all know what happens in Ritsu's apartment on this side, right?-though there ARE some changes... but nonetheless, it's simple and will be on this or the next chap... so yeah...-So, shall we take a look in Takano-san's?X3 Sorry for bothering!XD)**

Takano sighed as he sat on the floor in his apartment, leaning his back and head on the couch. Thinking back to his high school days.

_"Senpai..."_ he gritted his teeth on the bitter memory as pictures of the still-innocent-pure-unstained Ritsu flashed before his eyes. How the brunette smiled. Blushed. How his eyes was full of life and enthusiasm. The one who looked forward and is content on seeing him every single day. But now, the brunette, his beloved… _changed_…

_"Ah, Senpai!"_

"Shut up..." he rasped. Feeling tears threatening to form in the rims of his eyes. He could feel his heart churn

_"Senpai ga suki nandesu..."_ he then slammed a fist on the floor. Not caring if someone else heard it. Just then a flashback hit him.

Hoitsu rolling Ritsu's sleeves up. Revealing both old and new scars. **ALL** self-inflicted. 3 new ones. Fucking _three_ new ones! And the cause was?

_**HIM!**_

_**"Eheh... Senpai!" **_suddenly, Ritsu's innocent face is glued to his mind. Back when Ritsu used to smile all carefreely. Not caring about anything. Not even when he yelled at him. And just be with him. And is simply content with it. Takano could feel his heart clench and sunk. His eyes widened as he recalled Ritsu's eyes in the office lounge. It showed _love_, but it was still a bit _dull_, though… it was a love-struck gaze, which gave Takano a bit of relief as the brunette is falling for him. Not only that... when he looked at him with those eyes, when Ritsu figured out that he saw his scars. Those eyes. They were filled with...

_Anguish…_

_Anxiety_

_Pain…_

_Fear…_

Only once. Only **once** did Takano allow, **again**, to let his tears spill. Sniffing he rubbed them away. Only to have new ones replace them immediately. He then let his hand rest on his sides. Letting everything. Even just once... letting everything hit him. Flow in him.

_What can change something that was once so innocent, naive and timid..._

_Into someone who wants to cut himself by lessen his lifespan with every cut he makes?_

_And he __**only**__does__ it when his heart aches?_

_What can change something from so pure, so loving..._

_Into someone who is stubborn and now tainted?_

_What can change someone that used to be SO full of life..._

_Into someone that wants to DIE right now?_

_What can change someone who knew __**love**__..._

_But is now rejecting its __**everything**__?_

_Despite him the one to show it to others..._

_Even though he just wanted to be loved back..._

_'No, I did love him back... and I __**still**__ love him... through these __**ten years**__...'_

_"But because you just didn't know how to show it... he jumped into conclusions... into thinking that you were playing with him and ran away... and started wasting his life by wasting drop by drops of his blood."_ His inner voice told him. Takano gritted his teeth. But a whimper successfully escaped him.

_The longing of wanting to __**just**__ to be loved back..._

_By showing it to those who never experienced it..._

_And when the moment comes that you want to make sure that he is indeed __**in love **__with __**you **__and __**loves **__you__ back..._

_**Nothing**__comes to you..._

_And __**never**__ happens..._

_How can __**fate **__be so __**cruel**__?_

_"Though it is like __**fate**__ to break someone once so pure, loving and full of life, into someone who is broken beyond repair, that is tainted by sin of trying to kill himself, crushed spirit, with no enthusiasm and will to live only motivation to provide other's expectations, and into someone who is like a walking shell with no core..."_

Sometimes... Takano just hates his inner voice... but it was right... he now completely understand what; Wanting to be loved back when you love them and show them what love truly is and not have it your way, means. It's just WAY too painful. Though it is expected to not to have everything your way as that just doesn't work for everybody. But to be only wanted to be treated as someone treasured to someone else and not because of you family connections or anything but just genuinely loves you for who you are. Then that's WAY painful.

***BZZZTTT***

Takano's ears perked up the sound of his faxing machine working. He glanced at his wall clock. Apparently, two hours passed since he had been moping and had not moved a single inch in his position making him stiff. As much as he didn't want to work right now. Though WHO faxes someone in eleven o'clock at night?! But he does have a motto to not to accept any half-assed works. And that wouldn't be followed if he himself doesn't set an example to it. Drying his tears once more. He put on his usually stoic mask. Stretched himself, to loosen the stiffed muscles, stood up and then made his way to the fax machine. Then a familiar drawing style storyboard came in sight.

It was Mutou's... nonetheless, it was **edited**. And his trustworthy, Second-Managing-Head-Editor in the Emerald team, Hatori was kind enough to inform him of who is going to edit the storyboards. His neighbor, ex-lover and ex-kohai**(That stings!-T.M.)** namely, his beloved.

No one else, but;

_Onodera Ritsu_...

Just hearing that name once so pure and full of life. Once a beautiful flower. And now is slowly withering away. Seeing nothing is taking care of i-.

_'Enough! Stop it, Masamune! Get a grip of your fucking self!'_ Takano sighed. True, it hurt him in a lot of different ways. Seeing that Ritsu's almightily doing his all to avoid him. It didn't help but annoy him to his core. Though the misunderstanding did as hell and changed them in many ways. But without that... they wouldn't be here... well, more on his side actually. So, he's not the one to talk, a lot of him had changed since then. Truth to be told, despite knowing that he IS at fault at it, but THIS IS what he hates of all things.

Point 3 They're neighbors... Ritsu can just personally and directly give him the manuscripts.

Point 2 And if the man is sending it to him through fax... then it IS considered as a HALF-ASSED job!

And last... but not the least...

Number 1... RITSU'S STILL FUCKING IGNORING HIM!

Growling, he took out his phone. Pressed his speed dial number one-though he'll never say and admit it- and almost immediately the line picked up.

"WE'RE NEXT DOOR! BRING THE MANUSCRIPTS OVER!" he yelled. Hearing the brunette stutter on the other end. Without thinking and letting his temper get ahead of him, he added.

"Then I'll go over there!"

"E-Eh?! D-Don't! No thank you!"

"I'll be there in five seconds." Takano hastened.

"NO! NO! I'll go over there!" with that the line went dead. Takano blinked and sighed.

"_Great_ job Masamune... just thinking of him and knowing that he's right next door but you just can't get close to him because he's avoiding you hurts you… then what about if he says it in your fucking face?!" he growled sarcastically at himself. Before groaning once more. Standing up. He waited.

Waited.

And waited...

Growling, he slowly padded his way to the genkan.

Knowing what the brunette is currently doing. He opened the door, hitting the smaller man. Who now is trying to plunge the manuscripts in the mailbox.

"What the hell are you doing?!" Takano asked being all high and mighty. Ritsu then glared before handing him the manuscripts. "Come in here." Takano gestured as he entered the apartment with the manuscripts in hand.

"Also, make yourself at home, when I'm working I'm usually like on stand-by, so, feel free to use anything as you like."

"Ah, no... I've intruded long enough… there's no need I'll be at my apartment." Ritsu retorted. Takano let out a small growl.

"I already told you that I'm not accepting any half-assed job, so get in here!" Takano then padded forward as Ritsu grumbled but followed. Takano could feel it. With every step he took, fragments and shards of his mask is being peeled off and drops shattering to the floor. Takano then scanned over the un-edited manuscripts in the living room. Slowly slipping in to his work-mode. "Okay, I've read over it..." Takano nodded to the brunette. Ritsu nodded.

"U-Umm... here's what I think on them so far..." Ritsu then explained handing him the edited manuscripts. Takano nodded and then schemed over it, also reminding Ritsu to only cut off the unnecessary gags, but leave the others by giving the author their fun. Marking some wrong timing panels also pointing it out to the brunette for tips. When they finished there were a whole LOT of corrections. As Takano prepared a coffee he asked for the brunette for some. "Ah, no... I'll contact Mutou-sensei of the progress."

"It's 2 in the morning..." Takano immediately retorted.

"Then I'll just look over it one more time..." and there was it again. Work-mode Ritsu, a _very_ diligent worker. Ritsu then stood up. "Sorry for bothering you at such time." with that Ritsu made his way over, and is about to make his exit, when Takano put down the mug.

_'No... don't go...'_ immediately Takano made his way towards Ritsu.

"Oi, why are you trying so hard to avoid me?" he hissed. Ritsu then looked away.

"Please, I need to go home…"

"Do you love me?" Takano asked. He knew that it was too soon to ask. But hell, he saw it in the brunette's eyes! Still, he wanted to confirm it…

This question alone made Ritsu stop on his tracks. Dumbfounded by it.

"W-What are you talking about?!" Ritsu was about to walked away. When Takano's body moved on its own. And grab Ritsu's wrist. Pulling him back. "Aah... what are you do—" then before any of them could register it. Their-slightly parted- lips met. Takano then slid his tongue in, roaming it around. Ritsu involuntarily moaned. His hands curled into fists. But his left fist was on the raven's chest. Soon, both tongues met and grazed each other.

'_How did I not notice it when we first did it?_

_He still __**tastes**__ the same…'_

Ritsu then gave another muffled moan in it. His body tensing up. His fist clenched and unclenched before clenching again. But this time tightly gripping the older man's shirt. His brows furrowed on the feelings that coursed through his nerves. Twitching as he did so.

"Aah…" Takano then released them both leaving them panting. Ritsu's eyes half-lidded. Takano could then feel his heart ramming against his chest. Caressing the younger man's cheek gently. He then titled his head. And then grazed their slightly parted lips. Takano then stuck his tongue inside the other's hot cavern, and again roaming it in. Ritsu moaned louder. Slowly, the two slid down to the ground. Takano over Ritsu. The two parted leaving a thick trail of saliva.

"Haah…" both panted. Ritsu soon then snapped out of it, as soon as Takano laid him on the ground and had started sucking on his neck. Making him whimper to the uncontrollable electric waves of pleasure that coursed through his body.

"T-Takano-sa…hah…" Ritsu tried to speak, but it ended into muffled moans and pants. Takano only continued his ministrations.

"_Stay away from him… please…"_ Ritsu's eyes snapped open.

"N-no… STOP!" letting his instincts take over. A loud slap echoed in the room. Takano had stopped in his actions. Caught off guard. Ritsu was gasping for air. Staring eye wide at the ravenette whom he just slapped across the face. Takano had his eyes shadowed by his hair. Though he swore his heart just stopped as he felt that skin harshly fling his left cheek. Hurriedly gathering his thoughts back together, he gently pushed Takano away, who moved aside as the brunette gathered the scattered manuscripts in a fast pace. With that he stood up and ran out the apartment. Takano flinched as soon as he heard the loud slam of the door. He heaved a heavy sigh that he didn't know he was holding before pulling a fistful of his hair.

"What am I doing?" he asked himself. He then heard his apartment door open and shut close.

"Oi, Masamune… I came to attack…" he heard his colleague Yokozawa said. Yokozawa then took note of Takano's expression and grew confused. "Masamune?" he called. Right now, Takano only wanted to do nothing but lash his anger out. But he can't possibly do it to Yokozawa. The man who had supported him when he felt that his life had fallen apart. And if Yokozawa were to know that Ritsu is his kohai whom he dated back in high school. Yokoazwa would surely tell the brunette to quit playing around with Takano and leave him alone. And knowing Ritsu's 'condition' there was no way in hell Takano was about to allow Yokozawa to do anything to him!

"Ah… sorry…" Yokozawa just raised a confused brow as Masamune stood up. Pretending to dust himself.

"Are you okay? Did something happened?" Yokozawa asked. Masamune shook his head.

"No… just reminiscing the past…" Yokozawa though even grew more confused and worried.

"Huh? Why?" Yokozawa asked. Takano knew the risk. But it's better than to leave him doubting that Takano met his kohai who is working under him.

"Well, I just met someone who looks a lot alike to _him_, ten years ago…" Takano said in a white lie. Though he wasn't telling the truth… nor was he telling a lie either. Yokozawa sighed. Before he padded towards Takano and patted his shoulder.

"Don't let it get to you…" Yokozawa said in a sighing and soothing manner. Takano smiled and nodded.

"Right…" Yokozawa then raised the bag of beers he held.

"Want to lose it?" Yokozawa suggested. Takano gave a light laugh and nodded.

'_Might as well as do that…'_ Yokozawa only smiled a bit as Takano went around and sat down on the couch. Not noticing the unconvinced but proud look in the man's grey eyes. But it held great _respect_ and _passion _in them.

===XxXxX===

**(A/N: Fudge… I dunno why it took me so long… but this is it! Well, for this chapter… looks like I have to do Ritsu's side on the next chap… though only what happened in his apartment… but afterwards… dunno… we'll just have to wait and sit back to see/read what my hands has for you guys.,, I'm like trusting every bit of my stories to my hands… so I can think of totally different and out of topic things while typing… which can sometimes be very distractingXDDD… anyway… how's this one? This is DarkAlchemistAssassin, at your service… Review? CHAO~!)**


	7. Chapter 6

**|Chapter 6: Sleepless night; Reminiscence|**

**[Third Person's POV; Ritsu's side]**

Ritsu hadn't expected going home with Takano earlier. And just by feeling the man's gaze on him, he felt nervous. Especially with both of their bodies pressed up against the crowded bullet train. Ritsu shook his head.

'_Just what was his problem?'_ he questioned himself as he sat on his and Hoitsu's apartment's couch. He grumbled. Earlier he had made a call with Mutou-sensei, then there was this issue between Takano and Yokozawa.**(Note that I'm not explaining it on how it happened in order, in reality the issue between Takano and Yokozawa happened first, ;P)** Though he was only confused. Seeing at how the two were at each other's throats just earlier and then on his way back he sees them together. And hell, Yokozawa-san even calls Takano-san by his first name!

'_Wait, what? So what?! What do I care if their on first name basis or something?!'_ he scolded himself. Grunting, he then decided that it's better to call it a day to get his mind off of what had happened. Just as he was about to head to the bedroom. His eyes landed on the manuscript on his fax machine. Which were from Mutou-sensei. Shaking his head. He then pushed the ideas on the back of his head. He then grabbed his red correction pen and started scanning over the panels of the manga. Just then he went into his work mode. After a few hours he looked anxious.

'_What should I do? This has way too many corrections… maybe she's not feeling herself…'_ Ritsu thought. He looked around. Until an idea hit him.

'_I know, I can ask Hatori-san for a che—' _Ritsu sweatdropped.

'_When you're finish editing, always show Takano-san your editings for a check. It's a rule.'_ Just as he planned to call his co-worker and the Co-Head-in-Chief of the Emerald. Hatori's words stumped over him. And he had already agreed to it.

'_What should I do? I don't really want to face Takano-san anymore… knowing him he would surely ask why I'm avoiding him…'_ Ritsu sighed. Before his eyes landed on the fax. _'I know! That's where the faxes come in handy!'_ he exclaimed inwardly. Before going to the fax machine and started sending the manuscripts. Just as he sent the second page. His phone rang. Knowing the caller by instinct, he gulped and hit the answer button. Just as he pressed it near his ear and before he could even utter a word.

"WE'RE NEXT DOOR! BRING THE MANUSCRIPTS OVER!" Takano yelled. Ritsu then stuttered, trying to find an excuse. Though Takano continued.

"Then I'll go over there!" hearing the self-invitation. Ritsu grew more flustered. Just hearing the man's voice sent shivers down his nerves. But he didn't have the time to be stalled by that.

"E-Eh?! D-Don't! No thank you!" Ritsu stuttered a reply. He swore he was beet red by now.

"I'll be there in five seconds." Takano hastened. Making Ritsu jump. Without thinking.

"NO! NO! I'll go over there!" Ritsu yelled to the phone and hit the end button.

'_What… what just happened?'_ Ritsu asked himself breathlessly. Gulping once more. He then took the manuscripts and edited manuscripts with him. Tucking in his shoes he went out and to the neighbor apartment. Hoitsu did tell him that he was busy and won't be coming back till tomorrow at seven. And this was job related. So it's fine, right? Ritsu's not breaking his promise with Hoitsu, right?

Right now, he stood flustered in front of Takano's apartment door. Then his eyes landed on the mail slot. Just then another idea came up to him. With that he tried to push and plunge the manuscripts through. But it wouldn't slip. Putting more pressure. He failed to hear the padding footsteps. Just then. The door creaked open and hit his head.

"What the hell are you doing?!" Takano asked being all high and mighty, his face stoic as usual.

'_Of course, do you expect him to go suddenly lovey-dover over you?' _if Ritsu wasn't trained to keep some of his emotions in check, he would've laughed at his crack thought just now. Another side-effects of his self-harm, delusional thinking. Ritsu though just glared at Takano before handing him the manuscripts. Who took it from him.

"Come in here." Takano gestured as he entered the apartment with the manuscripts in hand. "Also, make yourself at home, when I'm working I'm usually like on stand-by, so, feel free to use anything as you like." Takano added.

'_He wants me to go in?'_ Ritsu asked himself.

"Ah, no... I've intruded long enough… there's no need I'll be at my apartment." Ritsu retorted. Takano let out a small growl.

"I already told you that I'm not accepting any half-assed job, so get in here!" Takano then padded forward as Ritsu grumbled but followed. Takano could feel it. With every step he took, fragments and shards of his mask is being peeled off and drops shattering to the floor. Takano then scanned over the un-edited manuscripts in the living room. Slowly slipping in to his work-mode. "Okay, I've read over it..." Takano nodded to the brunette. Ritsu nodded.

"U-Umm... here's what I think on them so far..." Ritsu then explained handing him the edited manuscripts. Takano nodded and then schemed over it, also reminding Ritsu to only cut off the unnecessary gags, but leave the others by giving the author their fun. Marking some wrong timing panels also pointing it out to the brunette for tips. When they finished there were a whole LOT of corrections. As Takano prepared a coffee he asked for the brunette for some. "Ah, no... I'll contact Mutou-sensei of the progress."

"It's 2 in the morning..." Takano immediately retorted.

"Then I'll just look over it one more time..." and there was it again. Work-mode Ritsu, a _very_ diligent worker. Ritsu then stood up. "Sorry for bothering you at such time." with that Ritsu made his way over, and is about to make his exit, when Takano put down the mug.

_'No... don't go...'_ immediately Takano made his way towards Ritsu.

"Oi, why are you trying so hard to avoid me?" he hissed. Ritsu then looked away.

"Please, I need to go home…"

"Do you love me?" Takano asked. He knew that it was too soon to ask. But hell, he saw it in the brunette's eyes! Still, he wanted to confirm it…

This question alone made Ritsu stop on his tracks. Dumbfounded by it.

"W-What are you talking about?!" Ritsu was about to walked away. When Takano's body moved on its own. And grab Ritsu's wrist. Pulling him back. "Aah... what are you do—" then before any of them could register it. Their-slightly parted- lips met. Takano then slid his tongue in, roaming it around. Ritsu involuntarily moaned. His hands curled into fists. But his left fist was on the raven's chest. Soon, both tongues met and grazed each other.

'_How did I not notice it when we first did it?_

_He still __**tastes**__ the same…'_

Ritsu then gave another muffled moan in it. His body tensing up. His fist clenched and unclenched before clenching again. But this time tightly gripping the older man's shirt. His brows furrowed on the feelings that coursed through his nerves. Twitching as he did so.

"Aah…" Takano then released them both leaving them panting. Ritsu's eyes half-lidded. Takano could then feel his heart ramming against his chest. Caressing the younger man's cheek gently. He then titled his head. And then grazed their slightly parted lips. Takano then stuck his tongue inside the other's hot cavern, and again roaming it in. Ritsu moaned louder. Slowly, the two slid down to the ground. Takano over Ritsu. The two parted leaving a thick trail of saliva.

"Haah…" both panted. Ritsu soon then snapped out of it, as soon as Takano laid him on the ground and had started sucking on his neck. Making him whimper to the uncontrollable electric waves of pleasure that coursed through his body.

"T-Takano-sa…hah…" Ritsu tried to speak, but it ended into muffled moans and pants. Takano only continued his ministrations.

"_Stay away from him… please…"_ Ritsu's eyes snapped open.

"N-no… STOP!" letting his instincts take over. A loud slap echoed in the room. Takano had stopped in his actions. Caught off guard. Ritsu was gasping for air. Staring eye wide at the ravenette whom he just slapped across the face. Takano had his eyes shadowed by his hair. Panting and gasping for air, he hurriedly gathered the scattered manuscripts. Ritsu ran out of the room. Slamming the door behind him, he hurried and entered his apartment. Still gasping and panting.

_Badump…_

_Badump…_

_Badump…_

_Badump…_

_Badump…_

_Badump…_

_Badump…_

_Badump…_

_Badump…_

_Badump…_

Ritsu looked up as he leaned on the door at the genkan. Taking a deep breath. He slowly slid down on the floor. He could feel his heart ache. When was it again? When he felt this way? He had hurt Takano-san… slapping him across the face even. Physically yes. But mentally and emotionally. He couldn't say for sure. There was something with the ravenette that he felt somehow attracted to, something

_Nostalgic_…

Then an image of a ravenette on the back of his mind popped up. Immediately he shook his head.

'_No… it can't be… he can't be him!'_ he told himself. Taking a deep breath and heaving it out. He looked up to the ceiling again. He could still feel his heart beating and ramming against his chest. Clutching the fabric right in front of his right chest he tightened his grip. Making his shirt tighten around him. Right now… his heart ached so much… so much that he could barely bear it… it wasn't as bad as the usually pain he felt whenever he felt to cut himself. But this time it was different.

_When was it?_

_When was it?_

_When was the time that he last felt this much pain?..._

**[Takafumi's POV]**

I sighed as I looked at Masamune as he downed another can. I barely even emptied my first can. But he's really hastening it.

'_Did something happen?'_ giving it a couple of seconds of thought. Masamune's voice echoed in my head.

"_I just met someone who looks a lot alike to __**him**__"_ I blinked.

So, he met someone who looks a lot like that kohai of his back then…

He already told me, how he had wanted to tell the brunette what really happened. But in the end… he never knew that much about that kid. Didn't even know where he lives nor any other clues that could lead him to that boy. So meeting someone who looks like him must be really tough…

Especially if you have such feeling bolted up.

If it were me… I would track that kohai down and tell him. And make him mine again. Well, not that Masamune didn't try that… sighing once more. I finally spoke up.

"Aren't you drinking too much?" I asked. Putting some emphasis into my words for him to get the real message.

'_Just because you met someone who looks like him… doesn't mean you really __**have**__ to lose it…'_ I then heard a low growl.

'_oh, shit… I forgot how he is when he's really drunk and out of it.'_

"Weren't you the one who told me to?!" he demanded. Making the end of my lip twitch. This guy has got to grow up. He's too childish for his own good. He glared coldly. Clearing my throat I sat up straight.

"I know I did… but I didn't mean that you actually had to do it…" I said in my monotone. He grumbled.

"Shut up! What do you know?! You know nothing?!" he yelled.

"Yes, yes you've told me that a thousand times already… but unfortunately I do know something…" I retorted. He growled again.

"Shut up!"

***CLANG!***

I winced as the painful noise of him slamming and screeching the can on the table filled my ears.

"Will you quit that?" I asked with annoyance laced in my voice. Actually I am quite annoyed. He just stared at me for a while before staring at the table in space. But didn't stop fiddling with half-empty can. Groaning, I scratch my head.

_I sometimes don't know what to do with you_…

"Oi… stop moping around… why don't you tell me what's going on?" I asked. Despite the fact that I already have a clue and idea of it. It can't hurt to make sure, right? Takano groaned. Before leaning on the couch.**(Both of them are sitting on the floor, btw)**

"I actually met _him_… I know it's him… but he doesn't know that I'm Saga…" Takano said. Sighing once more.

"That's it? You're glaring and yelling at me and silently cursing in your brain for that? I'm getting yelled at because of that? Why don't you tell him?" I suggested. Before if I would say something like this… it would hurt me. But now… it doesn't hurt at all…

"I would've! I wanted to! Don't get the wrong idea!" he yelled. I raised a brow. Sure I knew that… he didn't tell me. But somehow… I just knew. That he met his kohai again and knows who he is. The way he acted weeks before. It was clearly obvious. But him not telling the brunette was confusing as hell. Sure, I knew that Onodera Ritsu the new employee was him. It would be stupid of me to not know such thing.

"Then why is it that you don't want to tell him then?" I asked. He glared again.

"You wouldn't understand…" he muttered.

"How could I if you don't tell me?"

"…"

"Masmaune?"

"I just… can't…" he muttered even lower than before. I raised a brow. Before an idea came up to me. Giving it a thought. Before shaking my head.

'_There was no way that's true… nor it is happening…'_ I thought. But the thought for some reason wouldn't leave me. Heaving a sigh. I knew Masamune had enough.

"Why don't you call it a night?" I suggested gently. Masamune only nodded before standing up. His head hung low. With that he made his way to his bedroom. Once he was out of sight I stared at the open door of his bedroom. No light source. I glanced at the table before cleaning it up. Putting the trash to the bin, the leftovers in the fridge. Looking up I looked at the still open door once more. Before muttering 'I'll see you again'. Despite knowing he couldn't hear it. Glancing inside I found him tucked in the blanket. I could almost laugh at his position is not for the peaceful look he had. When he's asleep he looks so peaceful… but when he's awake. You'll see many different hardships he has. Hell, one of his cheeks were even red. Grabbing my coat I then left his apartment with no further delay. I also need to go _home_ after all. Just as I stepped out of the apartment. I could see a blonde guy come up. I figured that he was the other newbie in Emerald. But then I just shove it off. And went pass him. Giving each other nothing but a silent nod.

Just as I was about to reach the elevator I heard my phone ding. Taking it out. I smiled at the sent message. Before boarding the lift.

**[Hoitsu's POV]**

I sighed. Finally...

To think that Isaka-san actually knew about Ritsu's condition. I couldn't help but shudder at the thought of it. But for some reason, despite the fact on how unreasonable that is. It was at the same time. To me, no, to us… it may sound disappointing or whatever. But to Ritsu… it's his only way to escape the pain he feels. Speaking of which. I haven't, more like wasn't able to get a hold of him whole day. Damn Isaka…

I know he's the company's CEO's son… but then, delaying me like that is too much! Oh, I'm so gonna get An earful from someone I don't want to deal with at all tomorrow.

I highly doubt that Isaka-san told Takano-san what he made me do… though… it's not like I couldn't explain it. But just because I edited BL light novels. And that I know Ritsu and his previous author. Doesn't mean I have to force the hell out of that two-bit hack author into submission of his manuscripts! Sure, I could have asked for tips from Ritsu, seeing that Ritsu knows him well, and when Ritsu was his editor he barely missed the deadlines. So I could've asked for tips… but I couldn't… seeing that Ritsu is at work… and knowinh him. He would explain that it would cost ten paragraphs. Or worse even more. He would even get in trouble with work. That's another thing I don't want to happen. Hearing the ding from the lift as it announced my arrival. I looked up. When the doors slid open. I saw someone go out of Takano-san's apartment. It was already midnight. And I could tell that it was absolutely not Takano…

He was about as tall as me and Takano, grey eyes and blue-black hair.

Uwah… he looks like a bear…

Shoving the thought to the back of my head. I gave him a nod which he gave back as we passed each other.

_Just why is he at Takano-san's place in the middle of the night?_

Just as the lift slid close. I blinked.

_And what do I care who visits Takano-san?! It's none of my business!_

With that I nodded to myself. Just as I was about to open the door. Something was blocking it from the inside. I blinked. I then heard a gasp.

_Don't tell me…_

Then the door proceeded to open… more like someone was pulling it to open it.

"Ah… Hoitsu, welcome back…" there Ritsu stood. With an unusual wide smile.

_Creepy…_

He giggled.

_What…_

"Hoitsu… I think… Takano-san likes me…" he stated. Smiling as he tilted his head to the side.

_What… n-no way…_

**===XxXxX===**

**(A/N: Uwahhh… dunno how it ended up like this… but yeah… this story has a slow progress… =_=" sorry about that… really. I don't really know what to say either. But Ritsu… yeah, I know that was kinda OOC of him. But please bear with it. He'll be a tsundere. That I can assure you. So, to make it short. Ritsu's head over hills for Takano here. And that… uhh… he doesn't know that Takano is Saga. Well not yet. Dunno. But yeah. So, whad'ya think? And Yokozawa here is already going out with Kirishima. So on, so on. Anyways. This is DarkAlchemistAssassin, at your service. Review? CHAO~!)**


	8. Chapter 7

**|Chapter 7: Sleepless nights; Confusion|**

**[Third Person's POV; Hoitsu's side]**

'_I don't understand it…'_

'_No more like, I don't __**want**__ to understand it…'_ Hoitsu sighed, just as he came home. He had been greeted by a 'Dere-dere' Ritsu. Being all cheerful and all. Humming, and hopping. Hahah call him nuts if you must. But… after ten years… Ritsu was finally, genuinely…

_Happy_…

Heaving another sigh, Hoitsu then turned as he laid down on the couch. Unexpectedly, Ritsu had prepared dinner for him when he arrive. And **strangely** edible.

Hahah… Hoitsu wouldn't be surprised if he finds out later on that the food he ate was actually poisoned so that he doesn't get in the way of Ritsu's and Takano's relationship.

'_Wait, what is he? A Yandere?'_ Hoitsu shuddered at the thought of Ritsu being a 'yandere'. Right now, he insisted to sleep on the couch. He couldn't bear being close to Ritsu when he knows that Ritsu came to love someone else again. Not that Ritsu had ever loved him, or was even his, or that the brunette even tried to love at all. But now… he couldn't stand it. He was like slapped in the face by reality that Ritsu doesn't love him.

'_No… Ritsu loves me… just…_

_Just not in a romantic way…'_ with that. It was the first time in those ten years of being with the suicidal Ritsu that he ever shed a tear. He then curled up as he hid himself on couch, despite that it was futile. He did his best to cover and hide his sobs and whimpers.

**[Third Person's POV; Takafumi's side]**

'_I don't get it… why won't he tell me what happened?'_ Yokozawa thought for the hundredth he had boarded the train. Right now, he was just there, sitting as the train shook as it drove to his stop. There weren't much people**-obviously, who would in the middle of the night?-**in the train that time. So, he just sat there idly on a seat, with a scary serious, but worried look on his face. In truth, he had many stimulations and theories on why his colleague couldn't tell his kohai. But he didn't and couldn't believe any of it.

No…

More like, he didn't **want** to believe it.

Especially one thought that he always have dread that might have strike the raven head colleague of his… which never came…

"_Masamune can't and wouldn't tell him, because his kohai told him that he didn't want the past anymore…"_

"_Masamune won't tell him, because he wants his kohai to fall for him, as who he is now and not as the past him or because of their past and without letting him know…"_**-Ritsu already has though…=_=" Am annoying, aren't I? Sorry, on to the story…-**

"_Masamune can't tell him, because he don't want his kohai to hate him and push him away…"_**-relates to the second option-**

"_Masamune just can't tell him, yet… AND is just waiting for the moment to rise to tell him…"_

"_Or ha just can't tell him, because someone is in the way…"_

"_Masamune can't tell him because he can't do it…"_ Yokozawa then withdrew his thoughts, thinking again and shaking his head.

'_No… Masamune has the guts to tell him… then… what's stopping him?'_ Yokozawa agreed with himself. With that he thought deeper. Other theories than came and go in his mind. Only for it to stop at _one_ **certain** theory that he dread and wished never existed.

"_Masamune __**can't**__ tell him because he's __**cutting **__himself…"_ Yokozawa shuddered. The probability of his last thought of theory was high. And _**if**_ that is really what is happening. Then telling the truth to the brunette can not only cost a tantrum… but…

A _life_…

Yokozawa gulped. With that, he shoved the thought on the back of his head. Not wanting to believe it in any way. Denying that he even had thought of it, even for a second.

**[? POV]**

I yawned as I rode the midnight train. I just came back from England… and hell, it was hard quitting my job as my boss wouldn't let me go… but I made it somehow. And because of that. I am now riding the midnight train. There weren't much people, more like only five of us… though, the big guy on the seat across from me really creeps me out. He had had this look of serious and concern combination since he boarded.

He had this really huge build… if I was the old me, I would have cowered and be anxious, but seeing as I have been through a terrible experience… you can say that I got over it. Sighing, I looked up as I heard my stop.

Even the huge guy did snap out of his trance.

'_So… we have the same stop…'_ I inwardly sighed in relief. Cause I swore since I went out to buy stuff-I already had an apartment, I just went out- _someone _had been following me like a shadow non-stop.

No, I'm not scared if it's a mugger or whatnot…

I just don't want the headline for tomorrows news would of one of those unsolved murder case.

I have a case of paranoia… and if I get too paranoid, I might _kill_ someone.

The train then came to a halt. Yawning once more, I stood up from my seat as did the huge guy and the guy following me. With that the three of us exited the train, and head towards the same direction.

The huge guy on front, me behind him, and this persistent guy behind me. I yawned once more. Despite being paranoid, I can't help but me very sleepy. I really need to get home and fast.

The huige guy then turned to an intersection, which luckily was also the same direction as mine. So, I just did the same. Just then, I saw him stop at an apartment residence that had 'Kirishima' on their nameplate. Which is right next to mine. In which I just moved into just yesterday. I went past him and took out my gate keys. Seemingly to have notice me. He faced me.

"Oh, so you're the new neighbor…" he stated. I nodded affirmatively. He then gave me the elevator look, scanning me up and down with this 'look of familiarization' on his face. Which he soon hid and bowed. I returned it.

"I hope for your acquaintance…" he nodded. With that both of us entered our apartments. Him going in first. Just as I was about to lock my gate. When a hand suddenly landed over mine. Making the gate shake and me jump and look up. Before my violet orbs met with grassy green ones.

**===XxXxX===**

**(A/N: This is the worst and shortest update, neh? Sorry, but I just had to cut it… and keep it this way… I'm stuck, and no, I did not force this out. It's all I can think of as a stopping point for this chappie. So, sorry… hahahh… can someone think of a 'Yandere' Ritsu? XDDD**

**I can…**

**Also, can someone guess who the last two people featured in this chap? XDDD**

**This is DarkAlchemistAssassin, at your service… Review?**

**CHAO~!)**


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